Angel
by OnlyLoveIsForever
Summary: It's present day; Edward and Bella have not seen each other since 1918. Edward recognises Bella, but has no real idea of his own past. What has separated them for so long, and has their love lasted through the years? Thanks to TwilightLoverForeverAndEver.
1. Prologue

**Heyhey! This is my first fanfic.**

**The prologue is sort of a fast-forward, set at the time Twilight was. The next chapter is set in 1917, and the rest move forward in chronological order.**

**I realise this is quite short, but I'll be posting the first chapter very soon.**

**I really hope you like it, and would love to see reviews.**

**x****OnlyLoveIsForeverxx  
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**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, this concept and these characters all belong to Stephenie Meyer. But I think we've all figured that out.**

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Prologue

_2006, January 19_

If I had a pulse, it would have been racing.

He was staring at me. Our eyes had not met in a lifetime and now, suddenly, each set was locked on the other. I had planned to be subtle, but the nonchalance I had hoped for would not come.

I didn't care.

I didn't care that I could not see the tiny, smiling beauty standing at his side. I didn't care that I could not see the parking lot in which I stood. I didn't care that I was ruining my own plan. All I cared was that I was closer to him than I had been in a century, and that his smouldering ochre eyes were on mine. I could have stayed frozen in his gaze forever, if it wasn't for my need to be closer still.

I took a step, and I could feel in my very core that I was two-thirds of a foot nearer to him. However, the small movement seemed to shake me from my moment of wonder, euphoria. I remembered the plan.

I tried to stay unmoving and detached as I watched him move towards me. A small part of my mind noted that it was fortunate no humans were watching; his stride was barely slow enough to pass for mortal. This made me think that he was forgetting things at that moment, too, and the idea sent me a sudden wave of tenderness and hope.

I took a deep, unnecessary breath as he neared, and felt the wind against my back, like the caress of a silk sheet. I noticed my hair blowing in his direction and stopped breathing as I saw the wind, and my scent, reach him. I saw him stop dead and then, after a moment of total stillness, he closed the distance between us at a pace that could never have passed for human.

His face was inches from mine. I could see every depth of his fierce, determined eyes.

It was exactly the moment for which I had been waiting.


	2. A Moonless Night

**Howdy. So the prologue was kind of a cliffhanger, and one you unfortunately won't read the end of until much later on :)**

**This chapter is set in 1917, and the rest will continue on chronologically.**

**Just to clarify, this is from Bella's POV. And she's a vampire.**

**I don't think there's a point at which I say "I AM A VAMPIRE.", it's just assumed that the reader (hi!) would know.  
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**Obviously I'd love it if you could leave a review, and I hope you enjoy this fanfic!**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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A Moonless Night

_1917, September 12_

The night was cool and dark. The air was still and quiet. I looked up at the sky, at the intense pinpricks of light piercing the deep indigo. I supposed it was beautiful; some may have found it astounding. I, however, was indifferent – it was the same every night, as it would be forever.

Painfully, a small part of my mind considered whether this was a suitable metaphor for my life. All 150 years of it.

I willed the thought away and continued to walk forward, not sure where I was heading.

In my peripheral vision, I could clearly see a man cleaning his shop window. I saw him stop as I came in to view, and watched as he slowly looked up at me. His face soon filled with wonder, and he bowed his balding head intently as I turned to meet his awed gaze.

My eyes refocused, and I watched the reflection in the glass. The woman staring back at me had full, soft lips and high cheekbones. Her face was long and elegant, her hair a rich burnt umber. She had pristine, porcelain skin and piercing black eyes, which sat above violet, bruise-like shadows.

The man may have thought it was the face of an angel, but I knew it was the face of a monster. Not the sort of monster that small children are warned of, one that was true and deadly.

I nodded back at the man and looked away from my own reflection, continuing to walk down the cobbled lane. After a few moments, I stopped and listened.

I could hear the scurry of squirrels retreating for the night, and the gentle thuds of elk hooves. I focused on the sound I was looking for, the clumsy scraping of paws against a tree. I waited until I had identified the bear's strong heartbeat, and then I launched myself towards the forest at full speed.

***

Perched on a strong branch, my knees at comfortable right angles, I watched the sun chase the last traces of night away. The sky was a peculiar shade of lavender in some places, powder blue in others. Along the horizon floated a golden yellow streak, like ink trailed across the surface of a cool blue pond. Downy clouds drifted amid the colours, soft but somehow shady and thick; they were still waking from the still, calm night.

Finally, there was the sun – the centre of the image; it shone with a glorious brightness that would make humans squint and hold up their palms, shielding. I, however, had no difficulty watching the glittering globe directly as it inched its way over the edge of the horizon.

Without lowering my gaze, I slid off the bough and fell leisurely through the air, landing softly on the balls of my feet. After checking that my hair was unruffled and my dress unsoiled – of course, both were pristine, but checking nevertheless was a habit I had never shaken off – I made my way toward town.

I was in no hurry, and was not thinking about anything in particular. My mind began to wander.

I could feel myself thinking back to the exquisite night, the night towards which I could feel nothing more than indifference. I had tried to push the honesty of the metaphor away from my thoughts, but with such a large and capable mind this wasn't an easy task.

A moonless night- was that all my life was? Youthful but tiresome; astonishing but monotonous.

_Of course it isn't_, I thought to myself. _I have Carlisle._

That was true; Carlisle was a better companion than I could have hoped for. He was my wisdom, my stability, my motivation.

_But he's the only one._ I wondered_. Is he enough?_

I immediately cursed the thought. Carlisle was enough.

I had often thought of how he was everything in my life, but not my love. It had just never been that way, and I was afraid my love was something I would never find in my _condition_. I was afraid I would never find anything more.

But that didn't matter. Carlisle was enough.

That was final; I pushed the topic away once more, not wishing to think of it again. I would try harder to ignore it this time. My ability to be stubborn would make use of itself.

I came to a familiar house and opened the door silently. He was not in the room when I entered, but soon appeared in the doorway.

"Good morning," He greeted me serenely. I smiled simply in response, following him into the kitchen.

I saw him note my eyes for one sixteenth of a second, "What did you hunt?"

"Black bear. I think I deserved something bigger, don't you?" I tilted my head slightly, smirking. "Or did you forget?"

Carlisle grinned and dashed away, reappearing at my side with a rosewood box.

"Of course not. Happy birthday." He passed the box to me and watched my face in anticipation.

I smiled again and lifted the lid. I had never particularly enjoyed receiving presents, but I was always interested to see what Carlisle gave me. He knew I didn't want endless jewels and gowns, as other girls might have. He was an intelligent and inquisitive man, and understood my appreciation for more important and enriching things.

Inside the square box, folded amongst the white satin, was a piece of paper. Curious, I took it out and examined the multitude of fine print.

"Deeds?" I questioned after a moment. "We're moving?"

Carlisle nodded, still watching my expression.

"I know we've been here for a long time, and – feel free to correct me if I'm wrong - I sense that you are growing tired of this place, like you don't enjoy staying in one area for too long."

I considered this for a moment, thinking honestly of how I had, in fact, been tiring slightly of our current location.

"Really, we're moving?" I said, a grin forming on my face. "Where are we going?"

"Just a little south," He said before I could find the answer on the documents. "Illinois."

"Chicago," I read aloud. I looked up. "I hear there's cougar in Chicago."

"Even better than black bear," He commented. "The house is near quite a big forest, as well as a hospital, so it's more or less perfect – if I may say so myself."

"Perfect," I agreed. I wrapped an arm around his neck and hugged him briefly, gratitude and excitement flowing freely now. "Thank you, Carlisle."

"My pleasure, I'm very glad you're happy." He kissed me on the forehead and then paused, an amused look suddenly appearing on his features.

"Just thought I'd mention this, Bella," He grinned. "In case you're feeling at all disheartened by this birthday – you look quite alright for someone who just turned 146."


	3. The Boy

**Hellooo kind readers(:  
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**I managed to get this chapter out quite quick, due to a sick day :P**

**But I have a _lot _of schoolwork at the moment, so forgiveness if some chapters take a while to do.**

**Purlease review :)**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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The Boy

I pulled a smooth, gold watch out of my pocket. We had been driving for several hours. Peculiar; I hadn't felt the time passing. Actually it wasn't peculiar at all. Perhaps it would have been, were I an impatient and restless human. But when one is immortal, these things are much less tedious.

_Immortal and eternally comfortable_, I thought. Not once had I changed my position, not once had I needed to stretch aching limbs. Sometimes, after years of undying vitality, I wished I _could_ ache or feel tired. This faint longing was like a form of homesickness, an ache for my past.

"Bella?" Carlisle swivelled in his seat to face me. "Look outside."

Having just realised our vehicle was now motionless, I smiled excitedly and looked out the window.

"Oh, Carlisle," I gasped as my eyes wandered over our new home. "It's _lovely_."

That was true, my wonder was not exaggerated. The house was white, crisp but not stark, with a roof in the darkest shade of grey. Two triangular gables were situated in the roof of the building, one smaller and slightly further back than the other. In contrast to these angular shapes, the steps of the polished wood porch were curved, paved in red brick. A humble rose garden sat below the porch, and I could see more flowers bursting from window boxes.

It was not embellished, nor was it ostentatious. Instead it was exquisite in a modest way, homely and welcoming. It was perfect.

Without taking my gaze from the house, I grabbed my suitcases in one hand and opened the door with the other. The wheels were so high that I practically had to jump to get down to the ground.

I heard Carlisle get out behind me and turned to face him, "Really, this is ours now?"

"Yes, yes." He chuckled, and gestured toward the door. "Go ahead, run around and snag your bedroom like a little child. You know you want to."

I laughed and took up his offer, skipping up the circular steps. Carlisle had informed me earlier that there was a key in the hanging flower basket by the door, so I quickly searched in between the stems until I found it.

Once inside I almost jumped up and down with glee; I definitely approved of this house. I inspected each empty room and bounded up the creaking stairs.

"Be careful!" I heard Carlisle call. "Let's not break our new home."

I laughed in response and opened the nearest door, gasping as I stepped inside. The room I had walked into was open, light and airy with pale cream walls and a large window, which faced the house next door. I could see through to our neighbour's window, but their drapes were closed.

I studied the other window closely. I had a very good feeling about this new home, and wondered whether I could befriend the neighbours this time. Carlisle had always said making human friends was fine, but I was often uncomfortable with the idea. I listened to the steady heartbeat of the person behind the curtains, and watched as the dark drapes suddenly flew open.

My instincts almost caused me to run before the person could be sure they had seen me, but my recent thoughts and feelings made me stay put. I ran my eyes up the crisp white shirt of the boy across from me, and then settled my gaze upon his face.

I stopped breathing for one moment. My eyes widened slightly, and I suddenly couldn't remember how to smile, or wave, or do anything to greet my new neighbour. I just gaped. I could see he was staring, astonished, right back at me. This was nothing new, but for the first time in decades it delighted me.

He was beautiful. Human, definitely, but the most handsome human man I had ever seen. His cheekbones cut exquisitely across his face, somehow softening his striking bone structure. He had a square, angular jaw, one that I wanted to reach out to and run my fingers along.

His eyes, though, were what stood out. He had deep green eyes, the kind of green that reminded me of my visits to the Amazonian forests. Staring into them, I almost felt... _faint_. Though that could not have been the case, it was the only word I could summon to describe the feeling.

I heard Carlisle close a door downstairs, and the noise pulled me from my reverie. I opened my mouth and closed it again, not sure what to do. As I did so, the boy dropped his eyes to the floor, and I saw a tantalizing scarlet tint his cheeks. It was a situation in which, were _I_ human, I would most certainly be blushing as well.

He looked up again, and I managed an awkward smile. For a moment he looked even more astounded, but soon controlled his expression. I heard him clear his throat, and he bowed his head like a gentleman. He gave one small, crooked smile before walking out from my view, and I was left staring into his room.

"Bella?" Carlisle questioned. "Is everything alright?"

I turned and saw him pushing the door open. I wiped my awed look off with a smile.

"Of course!" I said, perhaps too brightly. "This room's mine."

Carlisle looked behind me once, to my new neighbour's window. He met my eyes again, seeming slightly bemused.

"Sure." He reached out his hand. "Come on, you've hardly looked around."

***

I sat on the porch swing, vaguely enjoying the sensation of a gentle breeze across my face. I sighed as I watched a deep brown ringlet of mine fly in the wind.

I was thinking about the boy again. In truth, I hadn't stopped thinking about him since I had first laid eyes upon him through our windows. I could tell that Carlisle knew I was preoccupied; I was so easy to read. I supposed that would be okay, as long as I thought of something else that could be preoccupying me, an excuse I could give Carlisle.

I knew I shouldn't have been thinking of him. He was, after all, just a human. I knew I couldn't get too involved with them- and that was assuming I _could_ involve myself with him in the first place, which I couldn't. I was sure many human girls thought of him, too, but my problem wasn't competition. I knew that, if I wanted to, I could win him over easily with my wretched beauty.

No, my problem was beyond the skin. My problem was my own genetics. I wasn't even the same species as him. I could win him over, perhaps, but I could not hold him tightly without threatening to break him. I could not take his hand without making him shiver. I could not kiss his lips without tasting my own prey.

That's what it all came down to. I was a _monster_. I was a creature more evil than any human killer, because even if I tried my hardest I could never escape my own body. My body, the body of a predator.

I was so focused on this bleak train of thought that at first I didn't notice the woman walking up the porch steps. Only when the wind blew her scent towards me did I jump slightly and turn to her.

The first thing I noticed about the woman was that I recognized her. I recognized her, and yet I knew we had never met. She had high cheekbones and a square jaw, and her kind eyes were an intriguing shade of forest green. She was startlingly beautiful for a human. I had no doubt that she was closely related to the boy in the window.

"Hello," The woman said, lowering herself into a graceful curtsy. "My name is Elizabeth Masen; I live there, next door."

Elizabeth gestured towards her home and I stood up and curtsied in return, resisting the urge to immediately question her about the unnamed boy.

"Oh, hello," I replied dimly. "I'm Isabella Cullen, but please call me Bella. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"The pleasure is entirely mine, Bella." Her mouth pulled up into a friendly smile. "This house has been empty for an awfully long time; I've been looking forward to your arrival ever since I met your father a few weeks ago. It's about time someone loved this place again."

I smiled and looked up at my new home, "Yes, it certainly is lovely. Would you care to come inside?"

Unable to stop myself from needing to know more about the boy, I was eager to talk to this woman more. I led her inside and talked of trivial things as we sipped at tea. I steered the conversation subtly so that we had soon finished talking about Carlisle and I, and began to discuss the Masens.

"So, do you live with anyone next door?" I tried to appear innocent, but inwardly wanted to take my words back as soon as I had uttered them. It was possible that the boy had already conversed with his mother about seeing me, which meant that she would already be aware that I _knew_ she did not live alone.

Thankfully, though, Elizabeth didn't seem suspicious as she answered my question.

"Oh, yes- my husband's name is Edward; he's a lawyer." Her face then grew very fond, and I tensed in anticipation. "My son is Edward Junior. He would be about your age, I think."

"I'm seventeen." I said quietly, repeating the boy's name in my mind.

"Oh, yes, well you are the same age, then." She said, looking down into her tea. Something about her expression now seemed overly innocent. I decided not to dwell on it, considering that I myself was trying not to create suspicion.

_Edward_. I thought to myself. _He has a name. _

***

I sat awkwardly on my chair, gazing into the mirror that stood on my dressing table. If I were human, I would most certainly have been nauseous. My hands may have shaken as I fastened the clasp of the pearls around my neck. I turned my head this way and that, inspecting my updo worriedly.

"Come on, Bella." I heard Carlisle say downstairs. "It doesn't usually take you this long to get ready."

"I'm coming." I murmured as I watched the girl in the mirror. I tried to smooth out the crease in between my eyes, and sighed at my own silliness. I brushed a mahogany curl out of my face and stood up, mentally reassuring myself.

As I ran downstairs, I honestly wondered why I was so worked up. All we were doing was going to have dinner with our new neighbours. So their son was fascinating and exquisite; it was no big issue.

"You look lovely." Carlisle said as I met him at the door.

"Oh, good." I said without thinking. Fortunately, he looked no more than slightly perplexed as he turned and opened the door for me.

At the Masens' home, we were greeted by Elizabeth and Edward Senior, and shown to the handsomely made up table. As Mrs. Masen went to get the first course, I began to wonder where her son was, but soon looked up to see the pair of them coming in with hands full. I was relieved to see him walk in, which disturbed me.

_Pathetic_, I thought to myself. _Since when do I crave the company of people I have not met? _

I prayed he did not sit next to me, as I was not sure how I would react to him being so close. Unfortunately, he did worse- he sat in front of me. I could scarcely keep my eyes off him.

As we began to eat, he raised his eyes for the first time, and I was shocked at the impact they had on me. I looked down before he could be certain that I had been staring at him, and attempted to look anywhere but ahead.

Throughout the first part of the evening, the same awkward pattern continued; one of us would look at the other, then whoever was being watched would lift their gaze and both sets of eyes would abruptly turn away. However, as the Masens finished their main course- Carlisle and I had perfected a method of lifting our forks, then dropping the food to our napkins and putting the forks to our mouths, all so fast the humans would never notice- our pattern changed. This time it was I who looked up to find him watching me, but he did not look away. I did not look away, either, and this left us staring unashamedly into each other's eyes.

I stared into his deep green gaze, and wondered if I would ever stop finding further depths within it. My eyes could see every sparkling detail of his, and I wondered what he saw in mine. I paid no attention to our parents, and did not know how long we watched each other. Again, I began to feel strangely faint, yet I did not want the moment to end.

Unfortunately for me, we were both brought down to earth by the sound of silver against porcelain. I turned to see Elizabeth gathering plates, and watched as Edward stood up.

"I'll take them, you sit down." He said softly, taking the plates from his mother's hands. I bit my lip lightly as I realised it was the first time I had heard him speak. His voice was gentle, rougher than Carlisle's, but calming.

"Oh, you're a gentleman, my boy." Mrs. Masen said, smiling warmly at her son. She looked down at me, and again came the strangely innocent expression she had worn earlier.

I looked up as Edward gave that dazzling, crooked smile once more before turning and walking out. I took a deep breath and attempted to make my thoughts coherent once more.

_Oh, dear_, I said inwardly as I thought of the effect this boy had on me. _This cannot be good_.


	4. Electricity

**Hey kittens. So it's the crisp old hour of 12am, and I've just finished writing this using the time with which I should have been doing school work. Meh.**

**Anyway, much Eddiepuss/Bellykins development in this chapter. I quite enjoyed writing it, and I hope I'm getting the human Edward right; it's not always easy to describe how he might have acted when he wasn't so **_**fly**_**. For that matter, I hope I'm getting 20****th**** century Bella right. It's hard to do, because in the books she's so colloquial.**

**Enjoyyyy!**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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Electricity

I ran through the shade of the trees, relishing the speed and release of power. I was usually very open with Carlisle, so having an issue I wouldn't speak with him about was frustrating. The running felt good; it was my only outlet for the emotions I had been experiencing of late.

I heard my father stop and took my time in turning around and running back to him. I was being vague with him, still preoccupied. Even now, I scarcely noticed the leaves and twigs brushing at my skin, or the small creatures that scurried and flapped away when I neared them. I was thinking of other things, one thing in particular.

Smiling at Carlisle, I came to a stop by his side and followed his gaze. He was looking much further into the trees; towards something human eyes would not have seen. A cougar prowled along the forest floor, but I did not need my eyes to come to that conclusion. I could hear the animal's claws against the rocks on the ground, and my throat seared as I listened to its rushing blood.

"Your turn," Carlisle said, his golden eyes looking back at me. I smiled and decided to move closer to the cougar with stealth – sometimes, when hunting, I ran; it all depended on what I wished to do each time. As I neared, the animal looked up suddenly. He could not hear me, but seemed to sense that danger was near. I felt a stab of sympathy and remorse and decided to make it quick for the creature.

I readjusted my body so that I was coiled to spring, and leapt into the air. I had ended the cougar before it had even noticed me moving, and soon I was replenishing myself, trying to forget my sympathy.

"Edward Masen visited the hospital today," I heard Carlisle say from behind me. I froze over my kill and contemplated his words. The name had shocked me, though I assumed he was referring to Edward Senior. But why had he been in the hospital; was he unwell? I masked my pause and waited for Carlisle to continue.

"He was just visiting a client of his," he said, as though in answer to my thoughts. Of course, I knew he didn't have an idea of my thoughts, for which I was thankful. It was only recently that I had truly been appreciative of my shield – I had never really had to hide my feelings from Carlisle before.

"When he saw me, he wanted to talk about... you, actually," he continued, and I could sense a slight discomfort in his voice. "It's a bit awkward... I doubt it should affect us much, but it could potentially be problematic." Again, I attempted to pretend that I was indifferent to his words – which I definitely was not.

"I've said you will accompany his son to a ball," Carlisle said in a rush. "It's a charity event, for the hospital. I was going to invite you with me, anyway, so I suppose I didn't see the harm. I'm sorry, I know you're not comfortable with being close to humans – but nothing really has to come of this event. It may be fun, if you just enjoy yourself."

I had stopped pretending to be indifferent; I was simply frozen. For a moment, I did nothing to stop Carlisle rambling. I just stared, before abruptly jumping up.

"What did you say?" I asked bluntly.

"Ah- I- Edward Masen Junior is taking you to a charity ball?" Carlisle said apologetically but it sounded more like a question. I contemplated this for a moment, and then spoke before he could continue talking about my feelings about socializing with humans.

"Okay," I said simply. I tried to look martyred as I crouched back down to the cougar. I like to think he couldn't see the eagerness I harboured within.

***

Standing in my room two nights later, and eagerness had most definitely given way to anxiety. I was more aware than ever of the heartbeat coming from behind the other window. I looked down at my gloved hands, which I was wringing with nerves. I glanced in my mirror, inspecting myself for the twenty-second time.

Hearing some drapes open nearby, I couldn't resist dashing to the window. I peered through the white of my curtains, watching the boy I could see standing on the other side.

His face was determined, severe even. I wondered if I saw nerves there, too, and paid closer attention to his heartbeat – it was racing. Slowly, he looked up, towards my window. I knew he couldn't see me, but still he stared solemnly in my direction for a long moment. I was beginning to feel almost lightheaded when I heard a call from inside his house. He turned suddenly and, with one look back at my window, he left the room. I knew where he was going and, taking a deep breath, I left my own room very much on edge.

***

I stared down at my empty plate, but didn't see it. My mind was somewhere else, savouring a recent moment.

For the first time, we had touched. He had taken my hand gently and planted a chaste kiss there, his eyes never leaving mine. Granted, my gloves may have shielded him slightly from my icy skin, but he may still have noticed its chill.

I remembered the thrilling tingles that his touch sent down me, and how I had wanted nothing more than to draw him closer.

"Are you alright?" I heard a soft voice from beside me. I turned and smiled at Edward; he looked staggered for a moment.

"Of course," I tried to appear sweet and charming – everything a monster was not. "And you?"

It was a very odd question for me to ask. I didn't blame him for looking amused, and slightly puzzled.

"Of course," He grinned and I couldn't help smiling in response. "I tuned out, too. I don't mean to sound ignorant, but I do wish our parents would discuss more interesting topics on occasion."

All I could do was nod and give a small laugh in response; I had been rather speechless that night. I didn't want to say too much, as I feared that when I opened my mouth all that would come out would make me appear nothing more than a fool. I was focusing, or trying not to focus, on the electricity that appeared to be emanating from him. Or rather, it was suspended between us. Again I was struck with the urge to be closer to him, and suddenly I had a plan to achieve this.

"Shall we dance?" I said densely. I stared at Edward in horror after I had uttered the words – it was not my job to ask that.

Though I was sure he was mentally calculating how best to run from the situation, he smiled widely and drew back his chair slightly, "I would like nothing more."

He took my hand once more – triggering an electric current through my fingers to my heart – and led me to the dance floor, where many couples already danced. I tried not to exclaim as he took my waist, and I attempted to calmly place my hand on his shoulder. I looked up into his eyes again, to find that they were already on me. Once again, I did nothing but stare and try to fight the strange feeling that my knees were about to buckle under me. How silly that a pair of eyes could have such an impact.

After a moment of gazing down at me, Edward began to lead us in a waltz. I moved with him effortlessly, and again we exchanged an awkward smile.

"So, Bella," he started after a while of comfortable silence. "Where did you and Carlisle live before you moved here?"

"Not far away," I said, trying to look up from underneath my lashes in an imitation of him. I doubted that I looked as irresistible when I did it. "Wisconsin. But I was born in Arizona."

"How well travelled you are," he raised an eyebrow. He really had no idea how very well travelled I was. "I wish I could say the same, but unfortunately I've lived nowhere but Chicago."

Fascinated even by this, I pressed on, "Does that bother you?"

He considered this for a moment, his eyes never leaving mine, "I think so, just a little bit. I feel as though I'm a man now, and I should be involving myself in... An adventure of sorts."

"What kind of adventure?"

"One that takes me somewhere new; I'm rather eager to enlist."

I almost stopped dancing, "What? Enlist? You mean to say, enlist in the army?"

"Yes, is that hard to believe?" He chuckled. I was far from laughing. I did not want to imagine my mystery boy as a soldier, fighting and killing and possibly being killed.

_**My**__ mystery boy_, I thought, partly to drive the other frightening thought from my mind. _Since when is he mine._

"Uh – a little bit." I managed to say. "Isn't that... rather dangerous?"

"Well – as far as I'm aware, yes." Edward shrugged, seeming to think over his words carefully. "However, that doesn't stop other soldiers. It may be dangerous, but that's why it is such an honour – one is given the opportunity to be brave for one's country."

"Yes," I said pathetically. I was still having a difficult time with the idea.

"What about you? What are your plans in life?"

"Are you suggesting that I am allowed to be anything other than merely a charming wife?" I smiled up at him playfully.

"I think you should be anything you wish to be. Someone like you would be wasted if you did nothing of value. You're too..." He stopped suddenly, a light blush once again colouring his skin. I marvelled at the sight for a moment, thinking myself privileged that a human would not have seen it, but I was able to.

"I don't think you should become a soldier. _You're_ too..." I said bravely. I almost wanted to take my words back, but I was glad I had voiced my thoughts, no matter how forward they were. His presence made me feel both lightheaded and also strangely courageous.

He simply watched me for a moment, and I wondered if my words had offended him.

"Why don't you think I should be a soldier?" He asked, thankfully seeming no more than curious.

"You might get hurt," I said quietly.

His sparkling eyes searched mine intensely, "And why would it bother you if I got hurt?"

I didn't answer; I didn't think it was necessary. Once again we drifted into silence, dancing easily, never breaking from each other's gaze. I was not sure how I felt, and yet also very sure. Part of me was cautious, as I knew I had made myself highly vulnerable. However, most of me was simply entranced. Entranced in the courage induced by his presence, entranced in the way he somehow made me feel protected and entranced by his beautiful, kind eyes.

The rest of the night passed in a mere second. We began talking again, more light-heartedly this time. Edward wanted to know much about me, which was unfortunate, as I only wanted to hear him speak. He asked me more about the places I had visited, my favourite people and my favourite things. I smiled and mentioned that I wanted to know about him, to which he replied, "You will get your chance to interrogate."

I was thinking of this, of how he seemed to think we would be speaking much more, when I began to notice the rest of the people in the room. I had not busied my thoughts with them for much of the night, but I could see now that there were few couples still waltzing. I glanced over toward the table to see our parents standing with the few people left, shaking various hands and bidding various farewells.

I glanced up to Edward again, wondering at the feeling of simply looking at him once more. He was also watching the others, but looked down at me at the same moment as I looked back at him.

"I think we have to leave soon," I said, wishing with a surprising intensity that my words were false.

"I think so too, unfortunately..." He looked faintly upset, and I wanted to reach out and soothe him. "Perhaps they are merely getting up to dance."

I enjoyed this possibility for a moment, but saw Carlisle look in my direction, and I could tell from his look that we would soon be going home.

"When will I find out more about you?" Edward said urgently, before I could come to my senses again. I met his gaze once more and gave a small smile to myself, impossibly glad that he seemed to want to talk more with me.

"Why not tomorrow?" I suggested without thought. I only wished I could stay with him, and was certainly not willing to suspend our separation for longer than a few hours.

"Tomorrow," He said fervently, placing another delicate kiss on the hand that he already held. "I look forward to it."

I was unable to suppress an anxious smile, in response to which he offered one of his own, half smiles. With that, I somehow managed to tear myself away from him and leave with the strange sense that my centre of gravity was still standing in the ballroom.

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**Just wanted to note, that last bit where they're talking about having to leave, that's written with good old Romeo & Juliet in mind. **

**For those who are familiar with the play, it reminded me of the scene where Juliet's like "Oh crap, it's that morning bird." And Romeo's like "Naw, babe, it's the night one." And Jul's like "Sure kay. No really though, it's the morning one." And Rom's like "Yeah I gotta go."**

**If that makes sense. **

**x**


	5. Tomorrow

**HELLO CHUMS! Sorry about the long wait for this chapter- I had impossible amounts of schoolwork. Guh. Anyway, more Bedward (LOL LET'S HEAD BEDWARD, SHALL WE?) development in this chappieee. I really appreciate all the favouriting & reviewss. Makes me happy like a rabbit. If you fav'd me or this storyy, I'd lobe to have a review from youu. In fact I would do a jig around the house and completely rule out the possibility of getting a life. ENJOYY!!**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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Tomorrow

Marvelling at the sound of a steady heart nearby, I was struck by my own calmness. How strange that I could feel so peaceful by clearing my mind- something I did so rarely- and concentrating on each beat as it drifted by.

Of course, I hadn't been so serene all night. When I had first arrived home from the ball, I was brimming with an uncontainable excitement, and had to fight the urge to scream. I had taken myself up to my room and immediately heard the sound of an uneven heartbeat very close to me. Listening to this sound even out, I went through some steadying of my own.

At first, I stood a still sculpture against the door, my outward composure a contrasting mask over the inner tumult. Among many other things, I was worried- worried about my sudden disregard for vampire-human distance, worried about the possibility that my physical and emotional needs would combine and have unthinkable consequences, and worried about how I felt when I even thought of _him_.

However, I began to focus solely on the slowing of his heartbeat, and let my troubles slip away. I wandered over and sat down, leaning against the wall that was nearest his house. I closed my eyes and listened, thinking only of the steadying heartbeat and the person to whom it belonged.

***

For the first time in hours, I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings. My room was dim; I had never bothered to turn on the light. From Carlisle's study downstairs, I could hear the sound of ink being scratched onto paper, and I was glad he hadn't disturbed me.

Though I was content to continue listening to Edward, I forced myself to stand up. I slid my silky gloves off and pulled a bejewelled comb from my hair. It was at that point that I heard a new sound from the boy's room- the rustling of sheets, a floorboard creaking. I heard a small sigh and, after a moment of almost silence, the sound of soft footsteps. I leaned closer to my window and, upon hearing the displacement of curtains, I almost sang out loud. He was looking for me; he was thinking of me. Immediately, and without rational thought, I parted my own curtains, simply for the thrill of having his eyes pierce directly into mine.

As my face came into view, Edward's eyes widened and his lips parted. I heard the tempo of his pulse pick up, and felt as though my own heart should have been racing in response. I enjoyed every line of his face for a moment, and then offered a small smile. He beamed back at me and, after a moment of apparent deliberation, began to carefully open his window. I caught his train of thought and beat him to it, sliding the metal frame up and leaning out into the night. As I watched him do the same at his cautious, human pace, a small part of my mind chastised myself; I was being forward, inappropriate and dangerous- and yet I couldn't seem to stop.

"I think you'll find it's 'tomorrow' now." Edward murmured after a few moments of awed silence.

"Oh," I breathed, my thoughts in slight disarray after looking into his eyes. "That's good... I don't think I could have waited until a more conventional hour."

There I went again, acting without thinking. I bit down on my lip, feeling deserving of the sting that followed. Thankfully, though, Edward smiled one of his magical smiles.

"Evidently I couldn't wait either... hence the midnight interruption." Again, he blushed very lightly. "Or were you not interrupted?"

"No, I was awake already."

"Awake at this hour?"

"Yes, I... couldn't sleep." I grinned to myself.

He seemed bemused, but smiled in return- triggering another disconcerting reaction in me.

"No, nor could I..." He murmured, looking slightly frustrated.

I recalled something he had mentioned at the ball, "Another migraine?"

"No," He said slowly. "Something was on my mind."

Struck with the sudden idea that I knew exactly what had been on his mind, I said nothing. Instead, I leaned even further out, frustrated that I was still not close enough. I was becoming increasingly aware of the strange, impossible electricity that was suspended between us. It was stronger now, and made me want to reach across the gap in the night to trace his cheekbones, his jaw, to knot my fingers in his hair. I was so enthralled with this thought that I almost did not hear the movement downstairs. My eyes widened and I took in a deep breath. For how long had I been motionless?

"I can hear my father," I said quietly.

"Ah," Edward said. I wondered if I was imagining the sadness in his voice. "Well, we couldn't just hang out here forever."

Pushing aside the fact that this was exactly what I wanted to do, I pressed on, "I never got my chance to interrogate."

Edward watched me for a moment before surprising me with one of his smiles, "You will. Leave it to me; I promise you will get that chance."

Feeling strangely assured, I smiled and nodded, "Okay."

"Good night," he whispered. I watched him smile at me once more, and then slid back into my room, the memory of him clouding my thoughts.

***

As I ran through the forest, I was sure that I was actually flying. Running hadn't felt like this for years, not since the first time after I was changed. However, today I felt it again. I felt as though the stones, moss and dirt at my feet were actually feathery clouds. I thought the branches and leaves that scraped me were actually the wings of angels as I passed them, and I was running to one angel in particular.

As I reached the edge of the forest, near the end of my road, I wanted to keep speeding on until I reached Edward's house. I wanted to barge in, take his hand and show him how to fly with me.

However, the more I thought about it, the more I knew he wouldn't come. He would shiver at my touch and pull his hand away. He would ask me why my hands weren't soft and warm, and why they were covered in blood.

The thought, and this knowledge, was pulling me down to earth. I checked my hands- thought I knew they weren't actually bloody- and slowed my pace just as I came out from the trees. I picked up the parasol I had hidden earlier and put it up over my head, though I knew there was no way the sun could darken _my_ skin.

I wandered down the street slowly, my thoughts far away. I was in such a mood that there was not much that could have caught my attention- except, of course, the one thing that _did_.

I stopped in my tracks when the scent reached me, a wonderful smell that was of honey, lilac and sun. Of course, beneath that was a mouth-watering scent that made my throat burn. I focused on a familiar heartbeat and listened to it speed up as I looked up at Edward.

His face showed no signs of his racing pulse, which lead me to wonder if it was merely a danger signal triggered by my presence. He smiled crookedly, ran a hand through his hair and casually stepped down from my porch.

"Miss Cullen," he nodded innocently as he passed. I tried to keep my face composed as I watched him walk across to his house. After he was inside, I looked up at Carlisle, who was standing on the porch. I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to explain.

"Bella," he said. "Shall we go inside?"

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion and followed him into the house, dropping my parasol- and the composed mask- as soon as the door was closed.

"What was that about?" I hissed, gesturing toward the Masens' house.

Carlisle seemed hesitant, and slightly amused. "How do you know Edward and I weren't simply discussing politics?"

"Because you weren't."

"Irrefutable logic, my dear." Carlisle smiled for a moment then, taking in my reproachful look, sighed. "Well, you needn't be so suspicious. I'm supposing this mood is due to your inability to be deprived of any information whatsoever."

I pouted and seriously considered whining like a small child. "Carlisle, please just tell me what this is about."

"Alright, alright," he chuckled. "It seems you made quite an impression at dinner last night; Edward has asked if you may dine with him again this evening."

I did my best to look nonchalant and nodded for him to continue, "And you told him... ?"

"Well, I said you would," Carlisle seemed uncomfortable as he answered. "But I know your feelings on spending too much time with humans. If you so desire, you could suddenly fall ill and be unable to make it tonight."

I sighed and pretended to consider this option. "No, I don't think I should... If I avoid this, it may cause suspicion."

"That's true," he nodded. "So, he will come here this evening- I offered our home as I was afraid you wouldn't be comfortable at his, and because I will be less intrusive than any normal guardian. Don't worry, Bella. Enjoy yourself."

I nodded again and sped up to my room, considering the conversation. Carlisle's only worry was my inhibition about being too close to humans; he himself was not disapproving. Smiling to myself, I decided I would try to take his advice and enjoy myself. I would attempt to forget my fears for one evening, and simply enjoy Edward's presence.

I was less than surprised to see him when I reached my bedroom window. For a moment, I simply watched him, smiling in approval at the promise he had kept.

"I'm impressed," I murmured. "You certainly didn't go back on your word."

"I said you would get your chance to interrogate me, and you shall." He smirked, sparking another peculiar feeling in my dormant heart. "I'll see you tonight, Miss Cullen."

I nodded politely and couldn't help a grin forming on my face in response to his. We both closed our windows, and I made sure I was out of his view before I swooned and sank to the floor at the thought of him.


	6. Freesias

**HAYYYYY KIDDIES! **

**Ugh I'm sorrryy it has taken me so long to write this; I had exams and then assignments and other curses of a school-type nature. But now I'm sick off school, which once again gives me opportunity to write. Yay for my shockingly poor immune system!**

**Anyway I'm sure you've noticed the alarmingly slow pace of this story (and by that I mean the fact that it takes about five pages for Bella to walk down a flight of stairs). That is kind of how I role, but the pace will actually speed up a lot. **

**At the moment, only a few days have passed since the beginning of the story, but pretty soon the weeks will fly by. And after a few chapters, they will literally be separated by decades. DECADES, I SAY! And then it will slow right back down again. **

**Ohyes, I have big plans for this story. Muhahahahahahahhahaharr.  
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**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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Freesias

I stared into the mirror, my mind so focused on other things that I was not even seeing my reflection. Edward would be here soon. I would try to be distant and make him lose interest. I would look him in the eye and remain composed. I would place a certain distance between us and make sure he did not feel my lack of warmth. I would be human, and Edward would realise that I was not as intriguing as he had thought. Then he would go home; I would smile politely as I watched him look away from me and never look back.

I listened to his heart as it crossed the space between his house and mine. The thought of letting go of that noise was surprisingly painful. I sucked in a breath and stood up, willing myself to walk down the stairs at a suitable pace. I heard Carlisle open the door, and smelt his scent on the breeze that wafted into our home.

"Good evening, Dr. Cullen." Edward said. His tone was formal, not the tone he had ever used with me. There was something off about it, something uncomfortable. I compared the sound with his speeding pulse, and concluded that this awkwardness was down to an innate awareness that danger was near.

I rounded the corner of the staircase and stepped down into the hallway to see him shaking hands with my father. As I entered the room, I saw his shocking eyes move over my father's shoulder to me.

I smiled politely, "Edward."

"Bella." Edward bowed his head and I curtsied in return. For a moment we watched each other, until Carlisle spoke suddenly.

"Well, Bella- why don't you show Edward to the dining room?"

I nodded and did as Carlisle suggested, sensing Edward's presence behind my back. I suddenly identified another scent in the air, and turned to see what he held.

"Oh," he followed my gaze and chuckled; it was as if he had forgotten about the flowers he was holding. "These are for you."

I smiled up at him, forgetting momentarily that I was supposed to be acting aloof. Carlisle accepted the flowers for me and walked away with them. The smell lingered behind with us.

"Freesias?" I asked as Edward pulled out a chair for me. I sat and he did the same across the table.

"Yes, they remind me of you." Again, a light blush tinted his ivory skin. At that point, Carlisle returned. In one hand he carried the white flowers in a crystal vase; on the other arm he balanced two plates.

"Are you feeling up to this yet?" He asked me, gesturing towards the dish in front of me. It didn't take me a moment to follow his train of thought.

"Not quite, but perhaps I will feel better as the night wears on." I smiled up at him and winked, too fast for Edward to notice. He grinned and left the room – and with that, my excuse for not eating was set.

"You're unwell?" Edward seemed concerned.

"I'm fine, as long as I don't eat anything – but don't let that stop _you_." I watched as he agreed and took a small forkful of his caviar. "Anyway, I want to know why the flowers remind you of me."

Edward smiled slowly, his eyes giving me the metaphorical shivers. I bit my lip lightly and willed myself to keep in control.

"Well, first of all, in my opinion you smell like freesia. I mean that in the best way possible, of course – it's..." He cleared his throat. "It's a nice smell."

I considered this for a moment and decided it pleased me – not that I _cared_ whether he liked my scent. "Go on."

"Obviously, they're beautiful, too. Uniquely so, and every time I look back at them I find another beautiful thing about them." His smouldering gaze had me transfixed, and I knew he was becoming more confident. "Most importantly, though, they're not like other flowers. There are so many different types of flowers, all lovely in their own way, but the freesia is a memorable one. The structure of a freesia, the way rows of buds are arranged and the way the petals open, it is unlike any other flower I've seen – and despite this, it still manages to be classic and subtle. It's as if this little flower wishes to defy every expectation, and I find that quite exceptional."

There was a long silence in which I merely gazed at him. I forgot how to be distant and found myself in _awe_ of this wonderful human.

"I think you're over-analysing freesias a little bit." I said, at a loss for anything else to say.

He chuckled and shook his head. "I don't think I was really talking about the flowers, to be frank with you."

"Okay," I tried to knock my thoughts into coherency. "So let's say you _were_ discussing me. How am I unique and expectation-defying?"

"How are you _not_?" He chuckled once more and seemed to be searching for something in my eyes. "You're mysterious and quiet, and yet you blithely break the rules of our society."

I frowned slightly, but he answered before I could ask. "You say things other girls would think are too forward, you have dinner with men like me without a chaperone. You strike me as so independent, and that makes you incredibly brave. It's a shame that more girls aren't like you, Bella, and yet even now, you sit here seeming completely unaware of your own brilliance."

Again, I was dumbfounded for a moment. I picked on one thing I had noticed, "Mysterious? I've always thought I was painfully blunt."

"Not at all – to me, you're impossibly mysterious. I can't seem to read you."

"Oh... Well, when you put it like that it makes sense - most people find me difficult to read. I suppose I have a kind of _shield_." I smirked to myself.

"Yes, you certainly do. I doubt it will ever cease to intrigue me." He gazed at me again and I let myself stare back, only a small part of my mind frustrated that I was not being more detached. "Perhaps it's one of the reasons I can't imagine staying away from you."

I gaped at him, making no attempt at being ladylike. I'd heard Carlisle slip out the back door earlier – I could say anything I wanted – and yet, still I remained silent. A miniature battle was taking place within my mind.

"Sometimes I think you feel the same way," He murmured softly. "But, as I said, I can't read you properly."

"It would be more... prudent for you not to be my friend," I said after a moment. "But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Edward."

***

I stood on the porch beside Carlisle, studying the way Edward's eyes looked in the dark. We had talked throughout the night, conversation flowing so smoothly that I was surprised at the time. We had drifted onto lighter topics as Carlisle returned and Edward worked his way through several courses – my starter remaining untouched on my plate the whole time. Mostly he questioned me, asking about my childhood and family (of course, I had to edit it all to be congruent with the lie). Again I tried to ask about _him_ but, as he had at the ball, he told me I would get my chance. That pleased me; I was glad he still thought we would have much more time together.

"Carlisle," Edward's voice brought me back to the ground. "I thank you for so graciously accepting me into your home, and for the blessing of your daughter's time."

"Of course, Edward." Carlisle smiled flawlessly, even _I_ was not aware of his inner uncertainty. "A father could not hope for a more courteous young man to charm his daughter."

"_Carlisle_," I hissed. Edward chuckled; I supposed I could see where he got the 'breaking the rules of society' idea from – I was supposed to smile sweetly in response to everything my father did or said. Even Edward knew that was never going to happen.

When he left – with one last kiss upon my hand – Carlisle and I watched him go, masks of normality in place. As he reached his house, the masks began to fade. Or rather, Carlisle's did – my face stayed fixed in a dreamy smile.

"_A father could not hope for a more courteous young man to charm his daughter_," I repeated after a moment. "What a line, Carlisle."

"Bella," He said simply. "We must talk about this."

I turned to face him, alarmed when I saw his expression of doubt. I watched him and sighed, remembering _everything_. I remembered myself, and the curse that I had been reborn with – the curse that meant I could never be a part of Edward's life. Evidently, Carlisle had to remind me of this fact. It was his duty, not only as my father but as a protector of humans, that we have this 'talk'. I followed him into the house and left my dreams of a life with Edward behind.


	7. A Talk

**Oyyyyeee. Talk about writers block. For about a month I had completely forgotten what I'd planned to do with this story. Then I went to sleep this afternoon and woke up & randomly was like "Oh right she has to decide what to do with that."**

**Sorry about a massive absence; I stopped reading the books every five seconds and watched me some Titanic – Jack and Rose kind of chased Eddie & Bellykins out of my mind. **

**Anyway sooooooo basically a lot of talking in this chappie. Plus a fair few emotions.**

**But that's basically all that happens in most of my chapters, so what's new? **

** ENJOY!**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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**A Talk**

_Bella, we must talk about this._

It was with a heavy heart that I followed Carlisle into our house. My feet moved slowly across the floor, as I knew each step was dragging me in the wrong direction.

You see, I felt as though I had reached a fork in the road. Hypothetically, the left road was the road I was taking. It was the road that led me back to the life I knew I _should_ be living. The right road, however, was the one I wanted to take. It was the road that I would happily skip down, the road that would take me to the life I _wanted _to live. Taking that road would mean turning back now, taking Edward's hand in mine and running until no one was chasing us.

But I wasn't taking that road. No, I was taking the other one. The road that meant me following Carlisle into the house and having our little talk. Slowly I sat down in front of him and felt as though I had reached the end of that road – was there anything beyond that point? It didn't seem as though there would be.

I breathed a sigh, wishing I could forget the path I _could _have taken. I lifted my lids to stare my father directly in the eyes.

Suddenly, he smiled. "Bella, would you please refrain from being so _dramatic_ all the time?"

I frowned, shocked at the sudden change of mood. "Pardon?"

He shook his head in bewilderment, "You look as though I'm about to deliver you terrible news."

I shook my head in confusion. Wasn't that what he had been about to do?

"But... You said 'talk'." I stuttered. "You looked so serious; what was I to think?"

"Well, I suppose I _am_ serious." He said, sighing. "I had just hoped you wouldn't look so heartbroken."

I went cold at the word. Surely that couldn't be the word to describe my feelings?

"Listen, Bella." Carlisle started. "I'm... I'm not going to tell you that you can't see him any more."

"Who?" I said innocently. He just looked at me, unsure if I was trying to make a joke. I didn't know what I had been trying to achieve with that question either, so I simply nodded for him to continue.

"However, I just felt we needed to discuss this. I know your feelings about our relationships with humans, and I've been worried about you." He leaned forward and I watched his creased brow. "I've been worried that you're experiencing some kind of inner turmoil."

I sat still for a moment and chewed my lip softly. _Turmoil_.It seemed a fitting word to describe the chaos and confusion that had been my mind of late. After a moment I spoke, "I suppose that's what one might call it."

"Oh, Bella," Carlisle reached out to stroke my hair. I realised I was crying – or as close as I could get to crying, in my condition. "This is what concerns me – you don't need to be so upset. Truly, you don't."

"How?" I said loudly. "Please tell me, Carlisle, how I need not be upset."

"Bella," he sighed and seemed to consider his words for a moment. "You know, being close with a human isn't something to shy away from completely. I'm not saying you shouldn't be _wary_, but if you really feel strongly for someone... I suppose there isn't much point in denying your feelings."

"But," I mumbled. "I can't... I'm not... It's – I'm dangerous, Carlisle. I could one day just _slip_, just get too thirsty and –"

"No you couldn't." Carlisle interrupted me. "Or rather – you _wouldn't_."

I opened my mouth to protest but he spoke faster, "I know you, Bella. I have studied your flawless self-control from the time you were a newborn. You saw your own crimson eyes and felt no rush of power, no dark thrill. You tasted the disappointing flavour of animal blood and merely shrugged it off – I could have sworn that you felt no temptation to experiment or rebel."

"Well," I considered this. "I _didn't_ feel temptation. But I've never fully let myself be near a human – who's to say I won't snap once I'm close to him?"

"You won't." Carlisle sounded so sure... It annoyed me. "Throughout your entire new life I have been your father, Bella. Don't you think I know my own child?"

I looked up at him, biting my lip again. "But I don't even trust myself."

"Sometimes, my dear, it is a parent's duty to have faith in their child before that child has faith in his or her self. I have seen your compassion, Bella; it runs so deep within you that I doubt it is possible for you to 'snap'."

Carlisle smiled down at me, and I saw in his eyes that he was remembering our past. It seemed as though he was remembering me as an infant, remembering each day of my childhood in his care – though in reality I had only met him as an adult. I too felt as though he had been with me since my very first day on earth. I sighed slowly and gazed away at nothing in particular.

"If you're so certain I won't... Make a mistake," I said slowly. "Then why did you even say I should be _wary_?"

"Because, Bella," Carlisle said. "You know how fragile humans are. You must always restrain your strength – I have learnt, unfortunately the difficult way, to handle humans extremely gently."

"Oh," I said simply. I imagined holding Edward, trailing my fingers down his jaw with the gentlest of pressure. I then imagined wrapping my arms too tightly around him – and shuddered away from my reverie.

"Perhaps you wish to wait a little while." Carlisle studied me. "I know this isn't easy for you."

"Perhaps," I repeated. Slowly I stood and smiled down at him, "Thank you, Carlisle. I think I shall retire to my room now."

"I hope I helped in some way. Good night, Bella my dearest."

"Good night," I murmured as I trailed up to my room. I wandered over to the window to listen to his heartbeat, hoping it would clear my busy thoughts. I drew my curtains back and saw that there was light through his window; he was still awake.

Listening to his pulse, I smiled without meaning to and rested my head against the glass. I had toyed with the idea of waiting and trying to see what being away from him would be like, but that simple noise had me going back on my plans. Once again, Edward had made everything seem clear.

I opened my window, leaned out towards the sound of him and waited. I'm not sure if he heard me or if he simply _knew_, but within seconds his drapes had opened and so too had his window. Neither of us spoke as we watched each other in the moonlight. Slowly he leaned forward to me, and I wished our arms could stretch miraculously and meet in the middle.

"Hello," he said softly.

"'Evening," I smirked. He grinned and I savoured the sight of his smiling eyes. "It's been a while."

"It certainly seems that way." He murmured, and I pretended that he truly had missed me since we had last seen each other.

"Will you meet me tomorrow?" I asked suddenly. His eyes widened a fraction but still I continued, "In the woods, just off the path."

He stared for a moment, then nodded slightly. "Early?"

I nodded back in response, "Whenever you wake."

"I scarcely wake later than dawn." He raised an eyebrow, as if to challenge me.

"Then dawn I shall wait for you." I smiled.

He gazed at me for a moment before beaming – and the sight rendered me speechless.

"In that case I should rest now, I suppose." He was still grinning playfully, and it made me want to giggle.

"Rest away," I said. "I'll see you as the sun rises."

"Until then," He bowed his head slightly and disappeared behind his curtains after a long gaze into my eyes.

I watched his window for a while before slinking back into my own room.

"Until then." I repeated and wondered what I was supposed to do in the hours until we would meet. I made my decision quickly and sunk blissfully to the floor as I listened to the steadily slowing beat of his heart.

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	8. The Meadow

**Oh it's a biggun today, folks. Yes this chapitaire is about twice the size of my usual ones. Hopefully you'll enjoy it so much you like that it's long, though. **

**That is **_**le**_** plan. **

**A gargantuan step forward in the Ed & Bellz department. Things will start speeding up next chapter, HOW EXCITING.**

**Okay bai now,**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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The Meadow

He was still sleeping when I left for the woods. His heart thumped at the same steady pace it had kept for hours, the steady pace of slumber. But listening to him had made me increasingly nervous, and I decided to wait for him in the woods. I thought perhaps a few moments away from him would help calm my nerves.

"Off hunting, Bella?" I heard Carlisle's voice as I reached the front door. "It'll be light soon."

I paused and spoke back to the empty room, "No. Actually, I'm... Well, I'm not _waiting_, as we had discussed."

"I didn't think you would." He was beside me now. "Go on, then – though you may want to change beforehand."

Looking down, I could have slapped myself. How foolish was I, that I had nearly met Edward in the same clothes as I had worn to dinner? I ran upstairs and tried not to pay attention to his heartbeat once more. After throwing on a lighter dress and shoes, I removed various pins from my hair and shook it loose. I checked the mirror to make sure my eyes were still light, and then it was back down to Carlisle in the hallway.

"Calm yourself." Carlisle smiled as he handed me the parasol that had been resting against the wall. "Or, better yet, _enjoy_ yourself."

"Okay," I said softly. I offered a weak smile back at him before stepping out into the dark. Slowly and quietly I wandered down the street, paying attention to each step I took. I had been alarmingly clumsy as a human, and watching where I walked was a habit I had never fully shaken off. Sometimes I did it merely as a distraction, to stave off anxiety. It never really worked.

When I reached the edge of the forest I looked up to the sky, and could see that it was half a shade lighter than when I had left the house. I followed the path briefly, then stepped into the undergrowth. Leaning back against a tree, I smelt the aromas of the forest. The fresh smell of plants after rain, the scent of an ancient oak, the perfume of delicate blossoms; I filled my mind with these things to keep my unease at bay.

I could still hear Edward's pulse down the road, but I had been so determined to stay calm that I hadn't been paying attention – I hadn't noticed when he woke up and left his house. As he neared the forest I couldn't ignore it any longer, and I tilted my head to watch him draw closer. I saw him study the sky as I had, and carefully step off the path onto the damp dirt.

When he was merely a few feet away from me, his face came into view and all the smells of the forest disappeared from my mind. I even forgot about my nervousness as I stared into his eyes, which were scanning the area around me. His gaze passed my own and I saw him do a double take as he saw me.

"Oh," he breathed. "That scared me; I didn't expect you to be... Hiding."

I frowned momentarily until I looked around and realised that I was standing in a tall bush. He must have seen my face appear suddenly from the leaves.

"Uh – I wasn't!" I jumped out from the bush and shook some leaves from my hair. "I was just standing."

He chuckled and quickly surveyed me, "You look nice."

"As do you!" I beamed. Not an entirely normal thing to say to a man, but it was true – I hadn't seen him in anything other than a dinner suit before. Today he was wearing a more casual tweed suit with leather suspenders over a linen shirt. I wasn't distracted by his clothes for long; he laughed again and I looked up to his face.

"What?" I grinned.

Edward shook his head, "I don't know. You just... You never fail to _pleasantly_ surprise me."

"I suppose that's good." I smiled after considering his remark. "Come with me; I know a place where we can watch the sun rise."

He smiled, his eyes never leaving mine. I checked the sky again and realised that we had to hurry up. Without thinking, I reached out my hand. He looked down at it briefly before taking it cautiously with his own, and then I ran – not nearly as fast as I could have, but fast enough. After a minute or so of darting around bushes, stooping under branches and leaping over the occasional stone, we burst into the clearing.

I let go of his hand quickly – having just realised that I should not have been holding it to begin with – and turned to face him. He was panting and his eyebrows were raised in shock.

"Good _grief_, you run fast!" He laughed. "You were practically dragging me along most of the way."

I forced a laugh and thanked the heavens I had been thinking enough to run at a human pace – barely.

"This place is lovely," Edward said, looking around at the little meadow.

"The perfect place to watch." I dragged my eyes from him and gazed up at the sky, coloured in pale blues and lilacs. Pale pink trailed across the blue; feathery clouds with orange shadows. I was used to the vibrant colours of my immortal life, but today the break of morning seemed especially stunning, somehow.

"It's beautiful," I said quietly. Edward seemed to think over his reply for a moment.

"I suppose," He said. When I looked slightly perplexed he continued, "It _is_... But I have seen greater beauty."

I looked over at him, studying his wide forehead and square jaw, and finally his eyes – which I saw were already on me. Looking at him, I had to agree – I had seen greater beauty than that of the sky above us.

Remembering just in time, I quickly opened the parasol above my head just as the first sunlight entered the clearing. Edward noticed and raised his eyebrows once more;

"A parasol, really?" He grinned. "You've met a suitor alone in the woods, dragged him away from the footpath and through the depths of the forest, but you're still going to use a _parasol_, as a well-mannered gentlewoman would?"

"Yes, well, I must maintain my ivory complexion – I have to at least _appear _to be dignified." I lied airily, much more interested in something else he had said. "A 'suitor'? Is that what you are?"

He opened and closed his mouth a few times, and I watched the blush on his cheeks with glee. I smirked, though honestly I was anxious as to what his answer would be. I tried to suppress my hope as I waited.

"I – Well... I don't like the term 'suitor'." He spoke slowly, watching me. "It sounds to me like 'buyer'. As if you're an object I can bid for, or compete for."

"You don't need to compete for me," I blurted. Edward's heart – which had been racing heavily – stuttered slightly. The noise filled me with a strange excitement – could I _possibly_ be causing such reactions in him?

He cleared his throat, "But, as I said, you're not something to compete for."

I gasped softly as his words and their meaning hit me. I looked down in embarrassment, upset that I had been such a fool. Suddenly his eyes widened and he shook his head;

"That's not what I meant," he said quickly. "What I mean is you're not a mere prize, not something I can simply win. You're precious, far too precious for someone to _own_! That's why I don't like to think I'm a 'suitor', because I can't – you're just too..."

He closed his mouth suddenly, as if he had revealed too much, and looked slightly horrified. I, however, was close to laughing with relief. Edward thought I was _precious_? Too precious for _him_? It was a ridiculous idea, but I was impossibly thankful I had heard it.

We were standing close now, facing each other. I let out a gleeful laugh and, without thought, moved even closer. Somehow I remembered to be gentle as I reached out to hold his face with my free hand – something I had dreamed of doing for too long. As soon as I touched him, it seemed as though the electricity I could always feel between us was alight; I could feel the brilliant current moving between his skin and mine, and I forgot everything else.

My eyes opened when I heard him laugh softly, and he lifted his own hands to my hair. I stared into his eyes, just an inch away from mine as I touched my forehead to his. With delight I listened to his heartbeat, racing and stuttering. He smiled; I smiled.

"We missed the sunrise," I said quietly when I vaguely noticed that the sky was completely blue.

"I'm not sure that I mind," he replied softly. "We can watch the sunrise another time."

"We can?" I smiled again – indeed, I was having a difficult time keeping the smile from my face.

Edward grinned back and nodded, "If that's what you want."

I closed my eyes and sighed contentedly. Yes, that was what I wanted – endless sunrises with him. I took his hand gently and we wandered over to the middle of the field. There, I let go of him and sat down, arranging my long dress so that my legs were folded underneath the skirt and away from the sunlight. He sat by me and I rested my head on his shoulder, a movement that we had never practised and yet seemed so natural.

"So," I said after a moment of contemplative silence. "May I question _you_ now?"

He laughed, louder than I had heard before, "I suppose – though I'm not entirely finished with your questions yet. I doubt I'll ever be."

I grinned and entwined my fingers with his, wondering where to start with the questioning. I wanted to ask him things like, 'Do you feel safe with me?'; 'Would you stay with me if I weren't perfect?'. However, I knew I should imitate the more mundane, standard questions he had asked me. And with that, I closed my eyes once more and began to question the man I felt I already knew.

***

"Oh, _no_!" I gasped suddenly. Edward looked worried and I rushed on, "You must be hungry!"

"Oh," He frowned. "I hadn't actually been paying attention to that. I'm fine, to be honest. Aren't _you_ hungry, though?"

I tried to come up with something believable, "No, my stomach is still rather unwell. I'm sure it's not contagious, though – it happens to me often."

Edward's brow creased slightly and he placed an arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him, impossibly comfortable. Once dusk had come he had offered me his jacket and, after much insisting on his part, I decided to pretend I was cold and accept it. At that point I noticed how light the linen of his shirt was, and I quietly enjoyed watching the way it clung to his skin when the wind blew. Soon, though, I realised that the wind was chilled, and I tried to give his coat back.

"No, really," he replied. "I enjoy the coolness of night." *****

After a while I had to ask, though I never wanted him to leave, "Will your parents be worried over your whereabouts?"

He shook his head, "No. My father will be working late, and mother... Well, she knows where I am."

I raised my eyebrows, wondering how I should feel about the information. Edward smiled and continued;

"By that I mean – she knows that I'm with you. She probably thinks we're at dinner, or in your home, certainly in the company of Carlisle." He paused to chuckle softly. "Speaking of which, does he know where _you_ are?"

I nodded and sighed, "Sometimes I wonder if he has his own opinions about me seeing you... I wonder if he's truly as supportive as he seems."

"He does _seem_ supportive." Edward agreed. "Supportive of your independence, for one thing. I don't know how _my_ father would react to having such a strong-willed daughter."

I laughed once – no, I wasn't strong. If I was strong, I would have been able to stay away from Edward. Instead, I had lured him into the woods and spent the entire day staying as close to him as possible.

"I have one more place to show you," I said, ignoring my lack of strength for the moment. "If you want to see it."

"Of course," Edward smiled and slowly we stood up. For how long had we been sitting there? Had I remembered to change position often, as a human would? I wasn't sure.

Keeping his hand in mine, I led him through the meadow and into the woods again – slower, this time. We walked in comfortable silence until we reached the next break in the trees.

"This is it," I said as I watched the moon's reflection on the lake. "My second secret retreat."

"Not such a secret now," Edward grinned. His gaze travelled across the still water, along the rocks at our feet and finally landed on my face once more. "As I said earlier, I'm having a hard time being impressed by these beauties."

I stared into his eyes, the deep black pools they appeared to be in the darkness. Everything around us was made black and white by the moonlight; he could have passed for someone like _me_.

Edward lifted his hand to my face, "How can I be, when my hand now holds the greatest beauty the earth has seen?"

I took a deep breath and let go of his other hand, only to entwine my fingers in his hair. My eyes wandered over his lashes, his cheekbones, his nose and finally his lips. Slowly, I looked up to his eyes once more, and with that all my inhibitions washed away. Sailing on my sudden sea of confidence, I closed my eyes and leaned in at the same moment as him.

It was unlike anything else when our lips met. It was not awkward or uncomfortable; once again it seemed as though we had practised each movement. I was slightly frustrated by the fact that I had to restrain myself somewhat, but any part of him was enough for me – yet at the same time, _all_ of him would never be enough.

The moment was immeasurable; I wasn't sure how long it lasted and I never wanted it to finish. But finish it did, and soon I was silently staring into his eyes once more. I savoured the sounds of Edward catching his breath, and his speeding pulse – it still filled me with joy that I could possibly have such an effect.

His hands moved from my face, slowly down my neck and over my shoulders, until they rested at my waist. In the same moment, I slid my hands from his hair and fastened them around his neck.

Suddenly, he looked perplexed. His fingers moved cautiously to my back and his expression changed to amusement;

"You're not... wearing a corset, are you?" I could only just see the blush on his cheeks as he spoke.

I giggled and shook my head, "No, I'm not. Carlisle claims he's treated women with horribly disfigured internal anatomy due to their corset use. Plus, they're terribly uncomfortable."

Edward grinned, "Of course. Well, I'm _glad_ you don't put yourself through that."

I laughed again and studied his expression, which had now become very thoughtful. I was about to ask what was on his mind when he answered;

"You are truly unlike any other woman, aren't you?" He shook his head slowly, staring into my eyes. "I never imagined I would find someone I wanted to be with. I didn't know anyone like you existed."

I considered this for a long moment before speaking, "It's the same for me. I never pictured myself falling... Like this. I thought my life was complete. How wrong I was."

Edward leaned in and kissed me, so softly, once more. I was experiencing a strange giddiness, a feeling that made my head spin and every inch of me tingle. Honestly, I never wanted to leave his arms. I wanted for us to stay as we were, entwined like this forever – and I knew what forever meant.

***

"So dinner again tomorrow night?" I whispered. "To introduce our parents to the idea of... This."

He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, "That is the plan. And, until then, I will be in the window for you."

"Yes," I nodded, grateful we could be near each other when we were supposed to be apart.

We looked into each other's eyes for a while before he murmured, "Thank you. For your time... for everything."

I wanted to explain to him that he had no reason to thank _me_. I wanted to tell him how I didn't deserve him, and how would be better off away from me.

"Thank _you_," I said instead. He lifted my chin with one finger and gently kissed each of my cheekbones, then finally my lips. After a minute of just looking at him, I opened my front door and stepped inside. Edward gave me one last crooked smile before disappearing behind the door.

"How did it go?" Carlisle's voice came from in his study. I bit my lip and wondered how I was ever going to explain the day to him.

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***I enjoy the coolness of light is a personal joke, I'm afraid. Only one reader will understand it. The rest of you aren't missing out; it's just a reference to my insane hilarity 8)**

**Ohh and that bit about how everything was black & white and how Eddie looked like a vamp; that was supposed to be like THAT BIT in Breaking Dawn - just know I didn't try to sneakily steal it ;p**

**I really hoped you enjoyed this baybay. Hopefullyyyyy I will have another up soon :)**

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	9. Edward Senior

**Dayymmmm I just finished this chapterrrrr & now I'm sad. **

**Things are a-changin' now, big things are a-happenin'.**

**Well I don't have much to say about this one, except that now a few months have passed and they're pretty much very much in love. Like... when something **_**bad **_**happens... It causes them both shared pain... **

**.. Just sayin'. Not givin' away anything.**

**Anyway, read it now.**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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Edward Senior

I remember the next few months perfectly. Each precious second of each precious day; it has all been permanently etched into my mind. Through the coldest years of my life I would go over every memory, savouring each moment that I was so fortunate to experience.

I remember his house, and the aromas it held that never failed to warm my heart. The fragrance of roses in window boxes, the smell of cakes from the oven – these were the things I knew I would always love and never forget. However my favourite scent of all was the honey, lilac and sun that always lingered around him. The joy that filled me when I caught this scent on the wind was unfathomable.

I remember his parents, the people I was strangely intimidated by at first, but whom I grew so very fond of. His father was, above all, a gentleman – which came as no surprise to me – and had always treated me with a respect that I had never come to expect as a woman. His mother was lively, caring, and had welcomed me with open arms. I soon realised that she had always hoped for her son to court me, and was ecstatic when she got her wish. This realisation upset me slightly; I felt as though I was betraying her, unintentionally leading her to believe that I was the perfect choice for her boy. Misleading her like this made me feel wretched, as I had started to see her as the mother I'd always wanted; she was considerate and encouraging the way my mother never was. Indeed, I began to love Elizabeth and her husband for the special qualities I saw in them, the qualities they had passed on to their son.

I remember Carlisle, who never failed to support me. I was astonished that he seemed to have faith in every decision I made, though I often did not have faith in them myself. Carlisle was a constant source of stability; it was to him I could talk when I was stressed or worried – only he knew the cause for all my worries. And every time I was experiencing anxiety, he would remind me why I was going through it all, and how I had found something that was worth any of the side affects.

I remember Edward above all. I remember how he leaned out from his window when we conversed every night. I remember how he begged to give me jewels, and how he sighed when I would vehemently refuse. I remember every laugh in our meadow, and every silent moment by our lake. I also remember the look on his face that night – the first night of the end of the world.

At dawn I had returned from hunting, and had stopped running when I'd reached his house. I hadn't expected him to be awake, but there were two heartbeats resonating from the front room. I could easily identify Edwards', and was anxious as to why it was beating so fast and unsteadily.

"_What_..." I heard him murmur. "Well – we must go to him."

"We can't," Mrs. Masen's voice trembled. "Apparently it's very contagious; no visitors are allowed."

"But we can't just stay here and wait!" There was a moment of silence, deliberation. "No, we'll ask Doctor Cullen. He can help us."

"No, Edward," his mother sounded increasingly upset. "I don't... I don't want you going there."

"What? But I can't – "

"_No_." She paused for a moment, swallowing. "No, it's too dangerous."

My hand was over my mouth now. I bit a fingernail, anticipating his reply;

"Mother," He said softly. "Please don't try to stop me. I don't want to defy you."

Then came the sound of his feet on the wooden staircase, and I knew where he was going. I ran to my house, racing up to my bedroom. I had a few moments to mess up my hair and leap into bed before I heard the familiar scraping of his bedroom window.

"Bella," He said. I could hear him through the glass, but I knew a human couldn't have. Despite this, I couldn't resist – I crawled to the end of my bed and sat there, opening the drapes and then the window.

His heartbeat, already erratic, stuttered as I came into view. A small part of my mind savoured this delight, but I was mostly focused on whatever was wrong with him.

"What?" I murmured, leaning out the window. "What's wrong?"

"My father," he said simply. "He's caught the influenza."

I gasped softly, having heard my fears confirmed. "Is he in very bad shape?"

He swallowed hard and shook his head slightly, "I don't know. I think so."

Completely lost for words, I stared into his eyes, wishing I could take away the sadness in them. I bit my lip and shook my own head, wanting to reach out to him.

"Apparently we can't even _see_ him - it's too dangerous, and visitors aren't allowed." He looked up at me suddenly. "I wondered if, possibly, Carlisle would help us... If he would help us get in?"

I stared at Edward blankly, recognizing the hope in his eyes and knowing I would have to disappoint him.

"I... I'm not sure." I said slowly. "He's most likely to think it's too much of a risk."

Edward frowned and shrugged slightly, "I guessed as much – but would you _please_ ask him anyway?"

Biting my lip once more, I nodded, "I'll do it now."

He smiled half-heartedly and I sighed as I left the room. Past my bedroom door, I quickened my pace and ran down to Carlisle's study.

"Carlisle," I said. "I need your help... I think. I don't know."

He frowned and got up to stand by me, "What's the matter?"

I shook my head, "Edward's father has caught the Spanish influenza."

Carlisle's eyes widened. He had been spending long hours at work, trying to deal with the rising proportions of the influenza pandemic. Spending only short periods at home, I knew that Carlisle would be the one to talk to about this.

"They want to see him," I whispered. "Edward does. His mother thinks it's too dangerous, but he's determined. He's hoping you'll let them into the hospital."

Carlisle shook his head slowly, "Bella... It _is_ too dangerous for them."

"_I know_... I don't want him to go there," I breathed, ashamed at my confession. "But... He's relying on me. He needs to see his father, and he wants us to help him."

"You'll have to do it for him, then." Carlisle said. "_You_ can visit, but it would be far too much of a risk for the Masens."

"He'll never agree to that." I mumbled.

"If you wanted him to visit his father, I would let him in to visit," Carlisle said softly. "But I know that we _both_ know... It's too dangerous."

Slowly, I nodded. I knew Edward would never agree to me going instead of him, so I began to formulate a plan in my mind.

***

The hospital was not a place I enjoyed being in. Walking through the dreary halls, I felt as though I could _smell_ the sickness, the hopelessness, and the loss. It was as though each little tragedy that had occurred there had seeped into the walls and made the very building miserable. I tried not to look at the patients as I made my way to one in particular.

"Mister Masen?" I said timidly as I reached him.

He stirred and opened heavy eyelids to look up at me, "Miss Cullen? Whatever are you doing here?"

"I came to visit you. It's too dangerous for your family to come, but I have been blessed with an immunity." I knew this didn't make sense, but hoped he would be too weary to notice. I appeared to be right; he merely closed his eyes and sighed slowly.

"I'm glad they're not here." He opened his eyes briefly, "Of course I want to see them... But I wouldn't have them in any danger. Not in the slightest."

"Yes... Neither would I." I said, troubled. "I decided to come, if only to... Relay a message."

He opened his eyes once more and I continued, "They love you. They want to be with you."

I hadn't been told to deliver the message, but I knew it was true. There was nothing else I could really say. I watched as the man sighed again, sinking deeper into the stiff pillows.

"Thank you. Could you pass the same message back to them, if you wouldn't mind?"

"Of course," I said simply. I looked around the room, at all the poor souls that had no visitors, wondering how dull their days would be without company. Hoping I could spare Edward Senior from this monotony, I straightened out the damp cloth on his head before settling down for a day by his side.

***

My mood and the night appeared to match; both dark, both silent. The night was solemn, somehow – just as my mood was as I wandered slowly down the lane. I was quiet, staring down at the pavement, not sure if I was even breathing.

"Bella?" The voice stirred me; I looked up suddenly. "_Bella_!"

I stared blankly and mumbled back, "Edward."

"Oh, Bella," he said, running over to take my hands in his. "I've been so worried – where have you been all day?"

"I... I went to the hospital." I admitted quietly. "I visited your father."

Edward stood in silence for a moment as I stared down at our hands, unable to meet his gaze.

"You did _what_?" He whispered.

Finally, I looked up to him. "Yes. I knew you wanted to see him, but it was too dangerous. I felt bad that I couldn't help you this morning."

"But – Bella, are you under the impression that it wasn'tdangerous for _you_?"

"Yes... I'm immune to the influenza." I muttered weakly.

"That's a lie." He shook his head slowly. "Bella, why do you think I've been so worried?"

"I'm sorry." I said softly. "I know you wanted to visit him yourself."

"It's okay; I know you meant well." He sighed. "I suppose I'm glad you saw him, so I know he's okay."

I looked down again, not wanting to speak. Edward swallowed before quietly asking, "How is he, though?"

Still I didn't meet his eyes, and my lips felt sealed shut. He stooped his head and tilted my chin up, forcing me to look at him. "Bella?"

Slowly, I opened trembling lips. "Edward... He – he's..."

Edward stared at me for a moment as I inhaled deeply and closed my mouth. Slowly, his creased brow smoothed out and his lips parted in disbelief.

"No..." He choked, barely a whisper. I closed my eyes and nodded, not wanting to see the look on his face.

"I'm so sorry," I murmured. "He's gone."

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**Oh come on, who didn't see that coming from a mile away?**

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	10. Save Him

**Duuuuuuuuude. I just finished this. It's about 2am and my mother has come down here twice to look at me and say "Are you still up?"**

**(What am I supposed to say? "Oh no, it's an optical illusion"?)**

**Anyway I decided I HAD to stay up and do this because 1) I was excited to write and 2) I want to time the release of this **_**just right**_**, you know with time differences & I don't want to release it while most of you guise are still asleep.**

**Soooo some Spanish Influenza type things going on here. I had to research all the secondary infections and how to combat them, and all sorts of random cures they used during this pandemic.**

**I know it's not completely realistic though, the fact that the patients are getting so sick so fast, but I think this story stopped being realistic when the central character celebrated her 146****th**** birthday. **

**Anyway, so I didn't write a note at the end cuz that would totally ruin the effect of the cliffhanger.**

**Don't scroll down& read it you harlot, you'll ruin it for yourself!**

**So thank you thank you thank you for all the favouriting people have done of me & my story, it means a lot. I'd love it if you could continue, and please leave a review :)**

**Next chapter coming soon I promise,**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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Save Him

Most things about this portion of my life have been permanently engrained in my memory. Some things I remember because of the happiness they brought me – for example, the joyful days spent in our meadow. However, other things I remember because of the sorrow that came with them – such as the few weeks after Edward Senior's death.

There was, of course, the funeral. I wore a dark veil, through which my face was barely visible. This was not to shield me from the sun – the weather was suitably dreary – no, it was simply to hide my face. I didn't want anyone to see that, throughout the entire day, I could not shed a tear.

Tears – they had begun to mean so much. I watched the tears that filled Edward's eyes that day, the tears he blinked away. I recall the tears Mrs. Masen shed the night her husband had died, the tears that had stained Edward's shirt as he held her – tears of his own falling silently down his face. And I remember the tear that had fallen onto her beautiful engagement ring, the day she decided to take it off.

Each tear that fell from these two sets of stunning green eyes symbolized a different type of loss – whether it was the loss of a father, the loss of a husband, the loss of a perfect family or the loss of true love. I saw that tears were a way of taking the emotions from inside and forcing them out to be dealt with and moved on from. It was only natural to have emotional become physical, uncontrollable become controlled. I supposed that proved once more that my existence was not natural.

Soon, I decided to make use of my unnatural abilities. The hospital was so overrun with patients, and the doctors were risking their lives just trying to assist the growing numbers of the ill. With my immunity to the disease and my ability to work very long hours, I decided it would make sense to assist. I'd become qualified as a nurse a century back, and the work wasn't particularly complicated. Applying cold packs, dealing out aspirin and salicin; it was all in a day's work. Or rather, a _night's_ work, as Carlisle and I were among the few that worked the night shift. We had to pretend to be weary, though, and go home each morning. Though frustrating, this meant I could still spend my days with the Masens, helping them and doing whatever it was they needed. Sometimes I went out to buy food because Elizabeth didn't want to leave the house, and sometimes I simply sat with Edward on the porch, silently sharing his pain.

One day, I didn't do anything for them. When I visited in the morning, Mrs. Masen said she would just have a quiet day alone, if I didn't mind. When I leaned out from my window at dusk, Edward never came to greet me. This disappointed me, but I wasn't worried – sometimes he would stay with his mother and keep her company alone. I gathered it was one of those days, so I closed my window with a sigh.

Just a few minutes later Carlisle and I were at the hospital, ready to relieve the day workers. I had just donned my uniform as my father spoke with Lloyd, a doctor whom we had gradually befriended.

"Not so many new admissions today," Lloyd informed Carlisle. "The gentleman in bed 216 was struck down by fever in the street on his way home, the elderly lady over there was admitted in the morning by her daughter-in-law, and those two behind you came in at around noon. The poor lad brought his mother all the way down here, and once she was in her bed he himself collapsed! Now he looks in worse shape than her."

Frowning for the unfortunate pair, I turned to see the patients to which Lloyd was referring. Once my eyes landed on the two beds, I stopped breathing and stared in horror.

Elizabeth was writhing slightly, sweat glistening on her skin. Her eyes were half open and gazing intently at the bed next to her, and on that bed lay her son. Lloyd was not lying – Edward _did_ look worse off than his mother. He was a pale, unnatural colour; his eyes were closed and his chest was rising and falling only slightly. I staggered over to him, shaking my head.

Staring down at him, I heard a broken murmur from behind me; "Bella."

I turned slowly to face her, "Mrs. Masen."

"Bella, is he alright?" She whispered weakly. "What can you do for him?"

"Well, usually we try to reduce pain first... but he's sleeping now," I studied him for a moment before lifting one of his burning hands and gently showing it to her. "This discolouration in his fingertips, it means the influenza has caused cyanosis... And for that I can inject oxygen directly into his bloodstream."

Upon remembering the treatment, I nodded to myself and wandered off to equip myself. I kept a blank, calm exterior – addressing one of his ailments at a time. Just below the surface though, I wondered how many secondary infections I would have to combat – pneumonia, vasomotor depression, toxemia... the horrors may all have been present in him and all I could do was treat them one by one. With most patients, I did as well as I could and usually knew it would all be too much, but I refused to acknowledge that with Edward. Failure with him was truly _not_ an option.

***

Hours later, and Edward had just woken up once – with a heartbreakingly weak crooked smile for me. He was conscious long enough to drink a little from the mixture I had prepared, but then he sank back into the pillows with closed eyes. Chewing worriedly on my lip, I turned to help Elizabeth drink some of the same remedy.

"Wh – what's this?" She coughed. "It's quite nice."

I took the empty flask from her and smiled vaguely. "It's cinnamon in the oil form, mixed with milk. Reduces temperature, and is _quite nice_."

Mrs. Masen smiled feebly, watching me. "Thank you, sweet girl. For helping us today, for helping us after Edward's passing... For helping us since the day we met you, really. Never have I seen my son so happy."

A lump formed in my throat as I smiled with gratitude. "Oh... Well... You know I do it all partly formyself. I don't think _I've_ ever been quite so happy. Not now, obviously, but... "

She smiled once more and patted my hand as her eyes shut, "Sweet girl..."

I watched her for a moment, making sure her heart was still beating. With a sigh, I made sure the flannels on their heads were still cool and then hurried off to prepare the next treatment.

***

It was around midnight, and the Masens were still both asleep. I had just finished checking their temperatures, and was now studying Edward's hands to see if cyanosis was still present. I was considering another oxygen injection when I heard a rasp from behind me. I jumped and turned to see Elizabeth glaring up at me fiercely.

She grabbed my hand with encouraging strength, "_Save him_!"

I swallowed and nodded, "You know I'll do everything in my power."

"You must; you must do everything in _your_ power." She insisted, her eyes boring into mine. "What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward!"

I stared back at her, wondering if she meant what she seemed to mean. The way she was looking at me, the way she had made her demand... I felt as though, somehow, she knew what I had been hiding from her. While I was staring at her, her eyes rolled back and she let go of me. Tangled in her sheets, she writhed and heaved – overcome by the fever. I knew I had to cool her down, and decided to use the coldest thing available.

But as I placed my icy hands at her wrists, trying to cool her bloodstream, her body already seemed out of control – out of mine and out of hers. Her heart pounded faster and faster until it suddenly stopped with a low thud. Then silence. I stared, disbelieving, at her lifeless body.

"No..." I murmured weakly. "_No_!" I tried to resuscitate her, and I tried silently begging the Lord... But neither worked. I stood in between the two beds, looking from Elizabeth to her son, wondering what I was supposed to do.

I gasped, or perhaps I choked. Either way, a shocked sound escaped me. I had no tears to offer, but damn it I was going to cry for her anyway. I fell to my knees by Elizabeth's bed and held her lifeless hand in mine. What I wanted was to fulfil her wish, to save her last hope and mine. I stared at her face, listening to Edward's heartbeat and wondering why she didn't look peaceful yet. I thought back to the exact words she had said, and wondered if she could possibly mean what I thought.

I got up and stood between them once more, looking again from one beloved face to the other. There I stood for an immeasurable amount of time, until one thing changed – Edward's unsteady pulse quickened. It was only a slight change, but it gave me a sense of déjà vu that sent a shiver down my spine.

Watching Elizabeth die was enough. I refused to see it happen to _him_.

For some reason, all the commotion in my mind then stopped. Calmly, I wheeled Mrs. Masen's bed out of the room, through the dark hallways and down to the morgue. I then returned to Edward's bed and, with a glance at the empty space beside it, I wheeled him out, too. I pushed him silently through the halls, knowing that none of the doctors rushing around us would notice his heartbeat. When I reached the room of the dead, I was struck by the sudden need to have him away from them, and quickened my pace. Carefully, I lifted him from his bed and carried him out the back door. I wasn't sure how I felt about skulking through the night, avoiding the streetlamps and listening for humans. I wasn't sure how I felt about anything. I simply focused on Edward, and thought with anxiety and anticipation about what I planned to do.

When I opened my front door, I smelt Carlisle in the air and remembered him. He would still be at the hospital, I was sure. I stopped in the hallway, wondering honestly how he would feel about what I was doing. I was almost doubting my actions when I heard Edward's pulse quicken again – much faster this time. As it had before, the noise made all the difference, and I hurried upstairs to my room.

As I laid him out on the bed, I heard Edward moan; at some point he had regained consciousness. I swept some damp hair from his face and ran a cold hand along his cheek.

"Bella," he croaked. His eyes travelled across my face as he lifted his hand to hold mine. "You're so cold."

I smiled sadly, "No, you're just rather hot."

Edward shook his head and chuckled, "Honestly, do you think I'm feeble-minded? You always feel this way... All those times I said you were different from anyone else, I meant it in more ways than one."

I stared into his eyes, shocked at his whispered confession. All those months, I'd thought I had pulled off the human charade perfectly – and in one night I had found that they both, apparently, knew far too much. But I dismissed this worry; it didn't really matter, seeing as soon he would be very much _in_ on the secret.

"You're right," I admitted. "Now, just close your eyes."

He watched me for a moment. "What are you going to do?"

I took a deep breath, "I'm going to make you better."

As I wondered if this was even true, Edward nodded and his deep green eyes closed. I listened to his heartbeat, stuttering and faltering, and knew I had to act soon. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his head, promising myself it wouldn't be our last kiss. Listening to his pulse, I felt as though my _own_ heart should have been beating out of my chest as I moved my lips down to his neck. One hand steadying his shoulder and the other hand holding his, there I paused for a moment... Before closing my eyes and parting my lips to taste human blood for the first time.


	11. Revelation 21

_Revelation 21:4_

_He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away_.

The feeling of magic on my tongue; Edward's was the first human blood I had tasted. But hardly a moment had passed before I moved over to bite his left wrist. It was a time at which I was impossibly thankful for my strange self-control. After sealing this second wound with my tongue I gathered both his hands in mine, sat back against the wall and allowed myself to hear the screams. Each cry of his pain was another blade cutting deep into my very core, but I forced myself to listen. Unable to stay detached and unmoving, I stretched out my arms and drew Edward close. With ease I pulled his weight across the bed and wrapped my arms around him. Still he yelled, and yet he seemed only half-conscious. Despite this, his arms tightened weakly around me, and I wondered if he had a clue as to what I had done.

"It's okay, Edward." I lied softly. "I promise."

He didn't reply; he _couldn't _have. I like to think my useless words had some effect on him, as his cries began to quieten.

"Oh, I'm sorry." My whisper was broken as I listened to his agonized groans. I felt my chest swell up from the inside out – the feeling before one laughs, and the feeling before one cries. I knew which one this was.

I felt my face screw up like a child's, and heard my own quiet sobs amidst Edward's. I knotted the fingers of one hand into his hair fiercely, knowing that he would not feel the tugging behind the other pain. I cried into the feverish skin of his shoulder and wished once again that I could shed tears. It was impossibly frustrating, not being able to let some of my anguish out physically. That was what I had always known when I looked at the humans' tears of sorrow... With no tears, everything was trapped inside my marble tomb of a body.

Unleashing the misery in the only way I could, I threw my head back and let out a grief-stricken cry. I heard the sound break into choked sobs, the sobs of someone who has run out of options. But I could not imagine a mere _sound _that reflected the internal ache of my dormant heart. No, I wanted to feel pain. I wanted to feel real, mortal pain, as Edward was at that moment. I wished more than anything that I could be the one burning now, not my love. But I knew that I could not be the one; I hadn't felt great physical pain for centuries. Again I thought about the tomb in which I was incarcerated – the tomb that locked me in with my emotions. I considered this with fury for a moment before my fury turned to horror. I had sentenced Edward to my own wretched fate. I had cursed him to the life that I loathed.

"Oh, oh please, no..." I half-sobbed. He could have gone peacefully, but I turned him into a prisoner in his own skin – all because I was too selfish to let him die, I couldn't live without him. It was sick.

"_Bella!_" Edward cried. I jumped and turned my head towards his. My lower lip trembled furiously as I watched his tortured face, millimetres from my own. I moaned, quieter now.

"Edward," I replied in a tormented whisper. "Edward, it's all going to get better."

Lies, lies, lies. I was sickened by myself, feeding him these terrible lies. He would know soon enough that I had been lying, and he would hate me. I turned my head away once more and ceased my sobs for one moment, considering this thought. It was true – he would wake up and he would despise me. How could he not, when I was the one who gave him such an irreversible sentence? I closed my eyes and felt impossible terror as I realised that I was going to lose my entire life and live forever with nothing.

I clamped my teeth together, perhaps to stop them chattering with fear. I gripped Edward tighter still and felt the beating of his heart against me. I tried to banish this thought from my mind, and focused on different things. I pretended he would not hate me, and that he would wake and be delighted. I would explain everything and he would say words like 'fascinating' and 'extraordinary', as he always does. Then Carlisle would come, and he would understand my actions. Together we all would live, forever.

These thoughts bubbled on the surface, barely veiling the panic I had been feeling. My gaze wandered and I spotted the leather-bound book upon my desk. I watched my bible and was reminded of a passage within it, a passage of comfort. I closed my eyes, and for the next few hours I did nothing but hold Edward close and think of the comforting words.

***

I was so focused on my impossible dreaming that I didn't notice the sound of Carlisle running down the street. Only when I heard our front door bang against the wall did my eyes open. Otherwise, I remained unchanging as I heard his heavy footfalls as he leapt up the stairs. In my peripheral vision I saw him burst through the open door to my bedroom and take in the scene. I knew what he was seeing: a woman leaning against the wall, her face blank, in her arms a yelling man.

His eyes trailed down and I knew he was looking at the bloodied sheets of my bed. This thought did make me move; I looked down at the deep crimson seeping through pure ivory. I became – impossibly – even more troubled as I saw this, and related it to myself and my Edward. He was pure and good, until I came along and stained him. Forever.

"Bella," Carlisle said, his voice panicked. At last I lifted my eyes to meet his, and read a thousand questions in them. I sighed quietly and hoped he would answer some of them himself, or at least understand enough not to ask them.

He stepped closer and chose one question to ask, "Does he even know what we are?"

I shook my head, and felt my blank expression disappear. My forehead creased and again my bottom lip quivered, "I couldn't... I didn't – " I gave up trying to speak properly and began to sob again. I leant my head against Edward's and breathed in his scent, knowing it would help slightly.

"It's alright," Carlisle said after a while. I looked up at him, astonished at the understanding in his eyes. "You forget; I know how it feels... The idea that a life is about to be wasted, but you can help."

Immediately, I realised what he was talking about – he had once changed _me_. I wondered if he had thought I would hate him... And yet I didn't. Perhaps Edward wouldn't hate me?

But I knew there was a difference. When Carlisle had changed me I was frustrated with my life, with a mother who just wanted me to conform and was pressuring me to marry a man I did not love. I had seen the effects of such a marriage on my parents – for years I watched my father adore my mother and receive only resentment in return. When Carlisle changed me, he saved me not only from death but from a life I did not want. Edward, however, had a loving family and a bright future. Even if he had died, he surely would have a precious place reserved for him with God. But I had robbed him of that. _There_ was the difference, the reason he would hate me as I had never hated Carlisle.

"Bella," Carlisle said again. I looked up at him and prayed he would tell me what to do. "We will get through this, Bella. Don't be scared."

I nodded and watched as he extended his arm out to me. Slowly I held out my own and grasped his hand. His touch reminded me how thankful I was for his understanding, but soon I let go and placed my arm around Edward once more. Carlisle watched us for a moment before sitting next to me against the wall. This is how we stayed, unmoving and silent, for an immeasurable amount of time.

***

"Bella," Carlisle was the first, other than Edward, to break the silence. "I have to go. I've missed two shifts, and people are still dying."

"Oh," I hadn't realised. "Of course."

He watched me carefully, "Now Bella, there is a good chance he will wake while I'm gone. Keep him calm; explain what you are, and have been all this time, and then let him know what has happened to him. He will probably be very troubled, but you must handle it and give him constant reassurance until I return."

I took in the information and nodded. "Okay. I can do that."

Carlisle nodded in return and stood, watching me with an unreadable expression. I inhaled deeply and stared at him with what I hoped was a determined expression. He patted my shoulder once and then disappeared out the door.

With Carlisle gone, I let the terror reign over my expression again. As we sat in silence I had been thinking over my conclusion that Edward would despise me, and I was now surer than ever. I knew he would not want anything to do with me... And I couldn't bear to see him tell me that. I couldn't handle seeing the resentment in his eyes when I would tell him what I'd done... So I decided that I never would. I would leave him alone, so he never had to see me again. It was not an easy decision to make, but over those few days I had had enough time to make it.

Edward was quieter now, and I wondered if he could hear me. I tried talking just in case – I couldn't just leave him with no reassurance; confused and alone.

"Edward," I said into his ear. "If you can hear me, please just stay calm. You were very ill, but you're well now. When you open your eyes, everything will be different, but everything is going to be okay."

I swallowed back a lump in my throat and whispered, "_Everything is going to be okay_. I promise. You have to wait here for Carlisle. Don't worry, just wait. He will come soon and help make everything easy for you."

I bit my trembling lip before continuing. "And – And you won't ever see me again. I promise I will never bother you, and your life will be happier without me."

It was true; I knew it was. He would be happier without the constant reminder of what I had done. Carlisle could help him and bring him peace without me. With that thought, I carefully moved away and laid him down on the bed before standing up.

Watching Edward's troubled face, I knew I couldn't just _leave_ him. I could never go on with out having him in my life. And so I made my silent decision never to take my eyes off him... All _he_ had to know was that someone would always be somewhere making sure he was well.

"Never be afraid," I leaned in close. "I will always watch over you."

As soon as I made the promise I closed my eyes and kissed his lips, wondering if he could even feel it. I drew back and placed a hand on his jaw, looking over him one last time.

I thought back to the first night we had had dinner. I had stood on the porch and watched him leave, thinking it was our last goodbye. How wrong I was; I had no idea that our true farewell would be on this dreary night. So much had changed during the past few months, the main being that I fell in love. And I had to let Edward know this, though _he_ would always hate me.

"I – " I took a shaky breath. "I love you."

And with that, I took one last look at my beautiful man and then turned, running away and leaving Edward to a life without me.

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**Hiiii. So some stuff happened there, aye? **

**If you're wondering why this was all based around a bible passage.. well I don't really know. I just really like that passage. Possibly because it was in Titanic.**

**I just thought, this chapter is all about impossible tragedy and trying to find hope after all of it, and that's what Revelation 21 is about, too. With a little God thrown in.**

**So this isn't the end as you'll probably know, time will start passing in the story now. Badachingg. **

**I really really hope you all liked this, please leave a review to tell me what you think & if you're a new reader I encourage you to subscribe and favourite :)**

**HUGE THANKS TO TWILIGHTLOVER – I NEVER DID GET ROUND TO EMAILING THIS TO YOU DID I ?**

**LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ALL :D **

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**


	12. Esme

**HELLOOOO CHICKNZZZZZZZZ.**

**Yes. It is me. I am back. This is good.**

**ANYWAY so sorry this took about seventy three years to post. I had the most hectic term of school; apparently 10****th**** grade term one our school is infamous. I swear, every week there were at least three assignments due and a few exams thrown in there for good measure. **

**So it's holidays now, which means I can write a bit but I still have assessments due after the holidaysss and half-yearly exams for two weeks. And then camp. Greaat.**

**But after that I plan on slacking off like whoa. **

**But enough of mee, go read more now. Going forward in time, yeahhhh.**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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Esme

_1921, April 9_

I wasn't quite sure what I was doing. What was I trying to achieve by going back to see Carlisle, after no contact for three years? I was worried he would be angry, but hoped he would instead be understanding, as he always had been _before_.

The house was unfamiliar at first, until I smelt that familiar aroma – Carlisle's scent. With a grin, the worries that I had been feeling for hours suddenly fell away, and I gave a confident knock on the door. However, as the door opened, my expression turned from excitement to confusion.

"Oh," I said, frowning. "I'm sorry; I must have the wrong... " I stopped in mid sentence as I surveyed the woman at the door. Taking in her pale skin and amber eyes, suddenly I wasn't so sure I had the wrong house.

"Bella," the woman said warmly. She beamed and surprised me with a tight hug. "I've been hoping you would come."

I stood there with my eyes wide, wondering how I knew this person. She watched me with kind eyes before stepping back suddenly.

"Oh, I'm so rude," she tittered. "Do come inside."

Still wearing a shocked expression, I cautiously stepped into the house. "Thank you..."

She grinned at me once more, "Oh, Carlisle will be _so_ thrilled you're here! I shall go and fetch him."

This comment brought back my feelings of excited anxiety, and I nodded, though I still had no idea who the woman was.

Unable to simply wait, I wandered after her and looked around the living room. It seemed much cosier than the rooms of our house in Chicago, and I wondered if that was down to the strange woman's input.

"What? Really?" I heard Carlisle's voice in the other room, and then came the sound of doors opening and rapid footsteps. I turned to the noise and waited anxiously until he ran through the doorway.

He gasped as he saw me. "Oh, Bella! It really _is_ you."

"Carlisle," I smiled and closed the space between us, and surprised _myself_ by wrapping my arms around him. "I'm sorry."

He frowned at me, "About what?"

"Well – I mean, isn't it obvious?" I looked down, ashamed. "I left."

"Oh," Carlisle sighed. "Yes, you did so."

I smiled pathetically and shrugged slightly, not sure of what to say. "I suppose I should explain."

He nodded and I glanced at the woman, who was watching me with contemplative eyes.

"Oh," Carlisle said again. "Of course, this is Esme."

Esme smiled warmly and I couldn't help but smile in return as Carlisle went on.

"I found her in rather a bad state one day a few months ago," now it was his turn to shrug awkwardly. "You'll understand it hasn't been an easy time since you left, and Esme has been making things much more _comfortable_."

I chewed my lip in response to the effect of my leaving he had mentioned, but I was glad that this woman was helping. I wondered if she was a different sort of companion to him than I had been. But I would find out about that later – I knew it was my turn to speak; explain.

"You don't have to, if you don't wish to," Esme patted my shoulder as I slowly opened my mouth to speak.

I shook my head and gave a rueful smile. Sighing, I looked Carlisle in the eye and told them both my story.

***

"Oh, dear," Esme looked upset as I finished. "You poor, _poor_ thing."

"Well, I-" I shrugged. "Nothing bad happened to _me_."

"Nothing bad?" She raised her eyebrows. "You had to make that choice, so quickly, and do it all on your own. And then, thinking that he could possibly _hate_ you, and having to leave everything you loved?"

"Oh," I nodded. "Well, yes those were bad things... But what I meant was that you shouldn't feel remorse for me. It was, after all, a mess _I_ created."

Esme closed her eyes and sighed delicately, not replying but shaking her head and placing a hand on my shoulder. I leaned towards her subconsciously, strangely drawn to her comforting sympathy, though I did not think I was deserving of it. I looked to Carlisle, who was silent, contemplating to himself.

"Oh, Bella." He finally sighed. "I must agree with Esme. I can somewhat imagine your torment, having been in a similar position. I do wish you'd spoken to me. All this – all your hurt and, honestly, _mine_ – it could have been avoided."

I looked down, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." They said in unison. Esme continued, "You are back now. This can all be sorted."

I shook my head slowly, "No... Forgive me, but you are mistaken. I am not back for good."

"What?" Carlisle frowned. "Bella, please. Why would you leave again?"

"For – for the same reasons that I left, Carlisle." I sighed. "While you two may be supportive, and appear to bear no grudge against me, I... I can't say that it will be the same for him."

"No, Bella," Carlisle said with a pleading tone. "You said before that you were afraid he would _hate_ you. That's not possible. I'm sure he is capable of hate and rage, yes, but he could never feel that way towards you."

"Please," Esme took both of my hands in hers. "Don't be afraid of that; that fear is what started all this trouble."

"No, my own selfishness caused all this trouble." I said bluntly. "_I_ myself caused this mess, not my fears that he would despise me. The trouble did not start when I left, it started when I... When I turned him."

They both opened their mouths, but I spoke again. "_No_. No, I cannot return. I made my decision, and that is final. It is not that I do not want to feel his hatred, it is simply that I do not want him to _have _to hate me. I don't want him to have me around, a constant reminder of what he lost and what I did –"

"But he doesn't even remember what you did!" Carlisle said suddenly. "He doesn't remember _you_."

I stopped, staring at Carlisle. I was vaguely aware of Esme next to him, looking worried.

"What?" I breathed.

"Well, you know human memories are often faint, and sometimes they can disappear completely." Carlisle seemed apologetic. "You could have stayed, and he would not have remembered what you had done. Or now, you could come back, present yourself as someone new..."

I shook my head, in disbelief and disagreement. It was impossible; he was in my every thought and my every action. Even now, he was still my reason for existence – and he couldn't _remember_ me?

At some point, I stood up. At some point, I walked past the two of them and headed for the door. I wasn't aware of my movements until Esme spoke, "Bella, stop!"

"No!" I shrieked, turning to face them. "No, this makes it even _more_ final. If he doesn't even remember me, then I cannot disturb him with my presence."

"You wouldn't be –" Carlisle began.

"And..." I interrupted once more, softer now. "And _I_ couldn't handle it. I could not take it, if he were to have no idea who I was. In my memory, he... He _adores_ me." I looked away, closing my stinging eyes and biting down on my trembling lip. My voice shook, "A-and I can't have him _not_ want me. I need him to love me, and it is better if I just pretend that he still does."

I opened my eyes and spoke before they could rebut, "_Please_."

Trembling slightly with emotion, I stepped forward to embrace Carlisle once more. I grasped Esme's hand and she took me in her arms, surprising me once again with her sincerity. Without anything more, I disappeared out the door and ran into the night.

It was cold and dark; I thought I could feel a storm brewing. I looked up to the cloudy sky and choked a sob, crying out to the darkness. It felt as though I were losing him all over again. Of course I had known the whole time that he did not _love_ me anymore, but to hear it out loud... And to hear that it was even less, that he did not even remember me... It was too much.

There was a flash, a rumble, and the rain began to fall. I felt the droplets on my cheeks and wiped them away, wistfully remembering what it was like to wipe away real tears. This nostalgia made me think about the night I had turned him, and what I had robbed him of. I sobbed once more, and the rain became too much for me – I tried to dry my face, but the water won and I could not control the surrogate teardrops. This made me cry harder, remembering what it was like to have uncontrollable tears and knowing I would never really have them again. I ran into the bushes and curled myself into a small, damp patch of grass. Once there, I cried out again and let the rainfall take me back to that night, the _first_ time that I had lost it all.

***

The sun shined brightly in the sky, unobstructed by any clouds. The storm had passed in the night, and with the reappearance of the sun I had remembered the light of my life. With a sigh, I stood up and started running in vaguely the right direction – I would refine my course once I'd caught his trail. The day before had been the first day in years that I hadn't spent following him from the shadows, and I was already missing his presence. I picked up speed and let a smile capture my face, because even though he didn't know me, and even though he wouldn't see me, I was heading for Edward.

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	13. Rosalie

**DON'T REMIND ME HOW LONG IT'S BEEN OKAY.**

**I KNOW HOW LONG IT'S BEEN.**

**OKAY.**

**I. I'M SORRY. I WISH I COULD WRITE MORE, BELIEVE ME, BUT I SWEAR SCHOOL HAS BEEN RIDICULUZ LATELY.**

**WELL. MIGHT AS WELL JUST SHUT UP NOW. ENJOY 3**

**xOnlyLoveIsForeverxx**

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Rosalie

_1933, April 26_

It was one of those times at which I was tantalizingly close to him.

Edward wandered along the road, his skin glowing strangely blue in the streetlamps. He was apparently unaware of my presence, stalking along in the shadows of the trees nearby. Yes, I was very close to him – just a few metres away. I was pushing my luck, it was true, but he hadn't seemed to notice as of yet.

Pushing my good fortune further, I became less cautious and focused everything onto him. Usually I made sure that I was also concentrating on the ground beneath my feet and everything that I touched; however I suppose I became overconfident, and made a mistake. My foot knocked into a stone on the ground – were I still human, I most definitely would have tripped. Instead I remained steady, and within the second I had leapt behind a vast pine. I peered through the needles of the tree and saw that Edward had stopped walking and turned his head.

He surveyed the area in which I stood, and I could have sworn that his eyes passed mine directly. He looked around for a few moments more, a strange look upon his face. It was a look of suspicion – and annoyance. Perhaps the look of someone who knows they're not in on a secret. Nevertheless, he soon turned and continued walking. I followed, much more careful this time.

After a few more minutes, Edward sighed. It was a contented sigh, and I was glad to hear it. He had reached his family's home. Esme and Carlisle were his family now. It had been a few years since he had returned from his 'rebellious' period away from them. Personally, I was very glad when that happened – it bothered me, watching him spend those years feeling alone and full of angst. It was also difficult for me to see him prepare to kill – though I knew he sought out the most evil of the humans, and I knew how much it tormented him after the thrill was gone – it was still hard for me to see him like that. It made me think back to the night his blood had stained the pure white sheets, when I realised that I had done the same to him.

However, he was home now. He had joined Carlisle and Esme once more and they had moved to Rochester, a bustling city in New York. As Carlisle and I always had, they kept to themselves in the large city.

But that was not to say they weren't noticed; no, many people were fascinated and intrigued by the beautiful Cullens. Gentlemen tipped their hats and mumbled appreciatively as Esme glided past whilst shopping in town; ladies giggled and tittered bashfully when Carlisle passed them on his way to work.

Edward was the most elusive, and possibly the most admired. During the day, he would only venture out when running an errand for one of his parents – or rather, his brother-in-law and sister, as Carlisle and Esme pretended to be at the time. When he did go out into town, the women he passed by blushed and gave him coy smiles. He would always nod and smile in return if he caught their eye, but I could see that his eyes remained emotionless. He no longer hunted them down, but his attitude toward humans was not fond. Instead, he appeared to be merely _disinterested_, almost businesslike in his dealings with them. I always thought this apparent indifference was down to resentment, but I didn't like to dwell on that idea.

Though they were always noticed and mostly admired whenever they entered the crowds – the crowds I found useful because I could follow one of them closely without being noticed – the three of them did mostly keep to themselves. If they _had _chosen to involve themselves in the community, I'd always thought they could acquire as much attention as the Kings, or at least the lovely Hale girl. I say lovely because that's what she appeared to be; charming and divine in her beauty, for a human. I hadn't seen enough of her to judge her character, though from what I'd seen she seemed conceited.

One of the men called her lovely that night, the night that I visited Carlisle once again.

I had just followed Edward home from his hunting trip, and decided to wander on my own once he went inside. Sometimes I lay in the bushes nearby and simply listened to their voices in the house, but that night I did not. Instead, I wandered the streets aimlessly, gazing without interest into shop windows and wondering without curiosity why the weather was cold in late April.

It was late when I became aware of someone else in town. I could hear hurried footsteps, the sound of heels tapping against the cold stone pavement. I didn't think much of it, as the noise sounded quite far away. Then came more footsteps, heavier ones; many feet dragging unevenly along the ground. I heard the sound of bottles clinking, rowdy laughter and incomprehensible shouting. The heartbeat that accompanied the lighter footsteps quickened, and I stopped walking.

"What did I tell you, John," a loud voice slurred. I heard a little cry of shock and the heels stumbled a foot or two. "Isn't she lovelier than all your Georgia peaches?"

There was a pause. Looking back, I can't think why I remained still and silent for as long as I did.

"It's hard to tell," another voice drawled. "She's all covered up."

There was laughter then, and it angered me. I began moving very slowly in the direction of the sound, not sure whether there was need for me to intervene. Suddenly, I heard the sound of fabric tearing and unknown objects being scattered over the cobbled ground. There was another whimper from the girl amongst all the laughter, and I quickened my pace.

"Show them what you look like, Rose!" The first man yelled with raucous delight. There was then a ripping sound I did not understand, and loud cry from the girl. I knew then that the confrontation was not about to end, and began running frantically. It became easier to find the group as the smell of blood became stronger. I growled with frustration as I entered dead-end alleyways, listening to the sounds of flesh being beaten, muffled screams and sick laughter. Finally, I saw their shadows in the light of a streetlamp, and I hurtled down the street to them.

I wasn't running at human speed; they barely noticed my approached until I let out a guttural snarl. A few of the men looked up, seeming unsure whether they should be alarmed. I shook with rage as I stared at the man who hadn't acknowledged me yet. He was quite preoccupied attempting to remove the girl's bloodied clothes.

"Royce..." A tanned, dark-haired man muttered as they backed away. The blonde man laughed and looked up, jumping back in alarm as he saw me. He fumbled with ties at the front of his trousers; I was seconds from leaping forward and crushing him. He watched me for a split second before another of his friends spoke;

"Maybe we should clear off... "

The man called Royce, whom I vaguely identified as Royce King the Second, hesitated for a moment. I lurched closer with another enraged roar and the men stumbled back, cursing loudly. I was close to ripping them all limb from limb, but decided I could not be bothered and had more important things to do. I stopped breathing and grabbed the girl from the ground before snarling once more and running in the other direction. I'm sure the men saw that I was moving too fast, but hoped they would put the strange vision down to their drunkenness.

"You're going to have to find yourself a new bride," one of their voices echoed from far away. I blocked Royce's reply from my ears, knowing that it would only make me angrier.

Once I had reached the house, I banged on the door and listened, thanking God that it wasn't Edward who said he would answer it. Carlisle's eyes widened the moment he opened the door, taking in first my face and then the girl in my arms with shock.

"Her noble fiancé," I spat, having remembered that detail at some point on my way to the house. "Along with some _friends_. I couldn't just let her die. It was too much – too horrible, too much waste."

He nodded, eyes assessing the girl's injuries. I heard footsteps from inside and thrust her into his arms, wondering exactly what I wanted him to do. I made sure she was steady in his arms and then darted away just as I heard the others approach.

"What?" I heard Edward as I sat under a windowsill outside. "Who was that?"

"I don't know; they left her lying on the doorstep." Carlisle said.

Esme gasped, "Oh, _goodness_... Is that Rosalie Hale?"

"Yes," Carlisle muttered gravely. "It's hard to tell, isn't it?"

There was silence for a moment, apart from the girl's failing pulse. After this pause, a pause of deliberation I supposed, I heard the piercing of flesh and another scream.

"Carlisle!" Edward yelled. "What are you -?"

There was no answer from Carlisle. Esme replied instead, "Oh Edward, he _must_... Would you rather he let her die?"

There was another pause, filled with the sound of Rosalie's screams and sluggish heartbeat. I supposed Edward was annoyed at his honest answer to Esme's question, because he sighed and stalked off upstairs.

After a quick peek into the window, I made my way to the other side of the house and scaled a huge tree, with many sturdy branches. Swinging easily onto the right one, I made sure the leaves around me offered good camouflage before looking through into Edward's room. His window was open, and I could hear him muttering under his breath.

I smiled slightly – if he were truly, deeply disturbed, he wouldn't be as annoyed as he was. I relaxed more against the trunk of the tree and let a breeze blow my short, mahogany curls around my face. I watched as the invisible current rustled through the leaves and fluttered the curtains of Edward's window before travelling on to ruffle his hair. The wind had reached him, carrying my scent with it.

He stiffened just as I did the same. I dropped down onto a branch a few metres down, but not before I saw Edward whip around to face me. I could have sworn our eyes met; I thought I should run but couldn't move myself from the branch. I waited, perfectly silent and still, for a long moment before I heard him sigh once more and sit down in the wooden chair by his impressive bookshelf. Even after I heard him settle, I decided to stay on the lower, more secluded branch - just in case he was still cautious, glancing out his bedroom window.

We remained still for a while after that, both sitting in contemplative silence. I'm not entirely sure what he was thinking about, but I was going through what would happen to the Cullens now that I had forced another person into their lives. Would she stay with them? Would she be horrified at what she had become? Would the other three want her?

This train of thought led me onto other, somehow more disconcerting ones. What if they _did_ want her? What if they wanted her a lot? Before things changed, the future had looked hopelessly positive – with Carlisle and I fitting with the Masons as though we were perfectly matched. In a silent and unspoken way, Esme had entered not as a _replacement_, but as a pleasant and welcoming substitute for Mrs Mason. But then I had left, and a piece was missing. By introducing Rosalie, had I completed the family? I tried not to let myself consider it, but my mind couldn't resist... Would she be Edward's new partner in life?

The pain of the thought shocked me. Though I always knew I no longer had my once dreamed-of optimistic future with Edward, I had always known he would continue to be the central focus of my life. It had made me think of us as partners; I still knew we were supposed to be together.

I chewed over these thoughts frantically as I sat on my perch by his window. He didn't move, and neither of us paid much attention to the sounds of the other three people in the house. I was vaguely aware of the fact that Rosalie didn't scream much, by which I was quietly impressed. Some part of my mind noted that the wait would soon be over, as I heard Carlisle explaining things to her – and soon enough, the sound of him calling Edward's name snapped me out of my reverie.

Suddenly anxious, I dropped down to the ground as I heard Edward descend the stairs. I peered through a window and could see through the study to the kitchen, where Carlisle and Esme stood in wait.

Edward cleared his throat awkwardly, "Good morning."

I saw him nod in the direction of someone I couldn't see – and then she stepped forward, into my view.

I inhaled sharply, aware of my eyes widening. After a moment of shock, my expression changed to a grimace of annoyance. Of course, she had been very pretty as a human – why wouldn't I have known she would be incredible as a vampire. I hadn't felt plain in centuries, but I felt a wave of the feeling hit me at that point. She was looking down, her angelic face unsure, perhaps nervous.

Her lashes slowly raised, revealing her startling red eyes. Somehow they made her more beautiful, in a terrifying way. "Hello."

I couldn't watch this, the introduction of this girl into my family. I didn't want to see Carlisle support her. I didn't want to see Esme take care of her. More than anything, I didn't want to see her make Edward give a beautiful little crooked smile.

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**I swear you guise are the most silent readers ever. I love getting put on alert and favourites etc. But barely any of you have reviewed at all ! Oh well though, I don't mind. As long as you read and enjoy :)**

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